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A Boy Made of Art
Your eyes are the same colors as Claude Monet’s “Water Lilies”— did anyone ever tell you that?
Don’t ask me to tell you anything about the painting, I’m not a fucking art history major (I’m not pretentious enough).
But the blues and greens— I swear Monet used your eyes as a palette.
Did anyone tell you your smile was crafted by Picasso?
I know he painted in abstracts, that explains the slight crook of your smile.
I know you don’t like your smile much,
But I’ve always loved Picasso.
Your arms are so perfectly chiseled,
Did Michelangelo carve them himself?
Years of perfecting his art put into you
And sent with Monet and Picasso to me.
Do you know who painted your curls?
I can’t find an artist to quite encapsulate the way your brown hair turns golden in the sun.
A boy of gold, and blue, and green.
So I’m not a fucking art history major,
We both know I’m not that smart.
But I could write a thesis on who must have created you,
My boy who’s made of art.
Review Request (Intensity):
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Review Request (Direction):
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2024-05-01 08:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Geezer
Wed, 2024-05-01 10:12
I see this...
as a musing about a man that you admire from afar.
I was going to say a child, but the chiseled arms and knowing that 'he' doesn't like his smile much,
abused me of that notion. Have you approached him? I would leave this poem as a secret admirer might,
somewhere where he will find it. I love the images that you conjure up in describing his attributes.
I make the distinction of him being a 'man', rather than a boy, as you say that you are in college;
this should make him a man. Your use of profanity tells me that you have not and do not think
that you ever will be in a relationship with him. Maybe he has a girlfriend already?
Your title is good, [Man of Art] would be better.
Your language use is good, [no huge or obscure words].
The pace is good.
The theme is good for Spring and the usual romance type poems.
The logic is good, and the beginning and end are consistent with the main theme.
~ Nicely done. ~ Geez.
.
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hippiemoon
Wed, 2024-05-01 16:50
Thank you for your comment
Thank you for your comment and feedback, as helpful as ever!! Ironically MermaidMaster’s reading was right, this is about my boyfriend, not someone off-limits. I enjoyed reading it from your perspective though!
author commentGeezer
Wed, 2024-05-01 22:26
Glad to be wrong...
this was a good poem that I enjoyed speculating about. Very nice! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
MermaidMaster
Wed, 2024-05-01 12:47
HM…
GREAT job!! this poem is so endearing it warmed my heart. I took this the opposite way geezer did i think the profanity shows more intense feeling, perhaps someone you are already in a committed relationship with? either way, lovely poem. as always i look forward to reading more from you! thanks for sharing!!
-MM
<3
hippiemoon
Thu, 2024-05-02 00:49
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment!! You are right, I wrote it about my boyfriend.
Best,
hippiemoon
author commenttyro
Wed, 2024-05-01 15:40
very nicely done. I like the
very nicely done. I like the idea of using famous art and sculpture to emphasize the beauty and subtlety of the subject.
I also like the negative portrayal of art history major to emphasize that one is moving from inspiration and not study. But is the word fucking really necessary since it is clear the negative connotation given to art history major. Perhaps it is to reflect the youthfulness of the speaker; but how does that word add to the poem?
I have nothing against the word, but it seems superficial here.
Tyro
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
hippiemoon
Thu, 2024-05-02 00:52
Hi, thank you for your
Hi, thank you for your comment!! I kept the word “fucking” in there because in my mind, the speaker is jealous of the art history majors having more knowledge about the painters that “created” her boy and at the same time thinks that they are pretentious assholes that she doesn’t want to associate herself with. You’ll notice I changed a line in the last stanza to highlight her admitting how smart art history majors are. I hope that makes more sense as to why I chose to keep it!!
Best,
hippiemoon
author commenttyro
Thu, 2024-05-02 08:48
it makes complete sense,
it makes complete sense, thank you.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight