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Me in Me

The Me in Me,
Stares at Me
Smirking at the Sins
I'd trashed

With an impish smile
I chuckle at him
"thanks for showing
I'm human"

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


Beautiful, in brevity and honesty. I like this one

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

Appreciate your encouraging remarks Honestly, I typed these lines on line with just one revision because after visiting here after a long gap I was inspired to write something. Good to know you liked it, which will keep me inspired to write more....raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Simplistic truth is always welcome,
good to read and the theme is worth thinking about,
Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

As mentioned in my response to the comment of Mr. William above, this was written on the spur of the moment. Perhaps this was inspired because we are at that time of the year when one needs to shed all that is negative and move on with a positive intent to do more good in the year ahead. Your comments positive or negative are always welcome....raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Trash a sin? To destroy a sin, send it to the garbage, dispose of it? This poem is left hanging by what it doesn't say. perhaps the poem alludes to hindsight but that's not clear, perhaps it refers to objective self evaluation , but that's not clear - the me is me so quite who is looking at me is not clear. You are asking us to preempt what you intend for us to take away from this yet there is no outside observer to disentangle us from the self contradictory nature of the write. And then there is last line " thanks for showing I'm human" - who is he showing you are human? " me" again? As if the first me had forgotten or was capable of forgetting considering he is "me"?


It is always good to receive even a negative comment which also makes a good critic. If you can read my responses to comments of Mr. William and Ian, perhaps it would throw some light on the source of inspiration. The title "Me in Me" is to suggest a resemblance to Jekyll & Hyde, symbolizing opposite personality traits in most of us, which get back at each other in an introspective dialogue, which as you mentioned is an objective self evaluation, concluding that we are not Saints but Human beings which have a mix of the good and the bad. Yes, making the readers preempt was intentional, which I personally believe is at times a good way to make them read between the lines.

Thank you for your time to read and comment, which is welcome...raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

But it doesn't suggest a resemblance to J&H it doesn't prompt those thought whatsover instead it throws the reader back to the same ME. If you wish to clarify this then add the "other", the "dark" me, the reader needs to be led not wished to the conclusion you wish him to draw.

Thanks for the suggestion Jimm, it is worth considering....appreciate your taking time for making this worthy comment..raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

So good to see you back here! You have a lot said in a few words here.

We all have passed sins - it puts us all on a level playing field and keeps us down to earth.

As is often the case your writing is profound, succinct and honest.

Keep safe

Mand xxxxx

So good to see you and rad your comment after my pretty long absence here for over a year. Good to connect again and will look forward to your comments and criticism, both are welcome value additions for an amateur like me. Thank you for taking the time to read and for the encouraging comment...warm hugs and regards and Merry all is well ..raj

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

All is well, thank you Raj - I hope you and yours have a happy and prosperous new year.

Love Mand xxxx

on another site
a guy Indian like you,
Small Me's
meaning his progeny
nice work for us to enjoy


Good to see you (read your comment). Please read my replies above to comments of fellow Members, It's good to be back and re-connect with known friends and read content posted by New Members, it is energizing for sure....Warm regards and Merry Christmas ...raj..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

ur a dear poet
one of exception
but remember my words

'''A poet can't please all
and each one should draw ones own meanings ,
as to what the poet had meant ...
This site is a peculiar one... tc ...
I stayed on and shall so remain
as my fossilized mind
no one can with evil intentions if any...


this is something I would have loved to pen myself.

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'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'

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