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Maintain The Rage

On a warm, clear spring day the phone rang,
I said, "I'm terrific, never better, and you?"
I was told
"There'll be no weather tomorrow"

No weather, any more, ever.

Jason said "maintain the rage"
and we all know that that means more

His joy was expectations,
his present was often the disappointment
of a being with the strength to know that,
as George Bernard Shaw said
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

one long summers day.
Pre-dawn awakening,
tense anticipation
paddling into a sunrise surf
crisp, clear and bright.
The day bakes up to high degree
hot, languid, intense.
As afternoon draws on
Southerly Buster hits
dark clouds rolling in,
the temperature drops suddenly,
violent winds hurl anything not tied down.
In the cool evening all philosophy and ideas float free.

Every day of fifty four years
were every degree
of a summer day
with Jason.

He often said to me “maintain the rage”
and we know that means more
it means party on
it means fight against all injustice
it means struggle for personal integrity.

And he also said, often
woo hoo!

Jason.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
My best friend for forty two years, Jason, died 12th September, 2012
Editing stage: 

Comments

awesome dedication jess

just a couple of things (imo)

‘consider
one summers day.
Pre-dawn awakening,’
- can I suggest you lose the first few words, begin with
‘summer day
pre-dawn awakening’
- I just cringe a little at being asked to ‘consider’, and I think the write works better by just jumping in so to speak

‘tense anticipating’ (‘anticipation’ ? – makes the write more intense imo as it is to feel ‘now’, as it is being described ‘now’)

‘paddling out into a sunrise surf’ (I’d lose the ‘out’)

and
‘Every day of fifty four years of life
were every degree
of a summer day
with Jason.’
just imo again needs a little tidy
maybe
‘Every day of fifty four years
was a summer day
with Jason.’
or
'‘Every day of fifty four years
with Jason
was a summer day'
(I really think the rest is superfluous – lol as you know, just me)

so sorry for your loss jess, but remember what Kurt Cobain said ‘thanks for the tragedy, it helps my art’ or some such thing

i know how hard it is to lose a best friend xx

lots of love
judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

so starting with 'consider' is there for performance dramatic effect. I feel guilty using my craft to this purpose in such a personal situation, does that make sense?

anticipation- yes

paddling out- surfer speak, it will be understood

I will lose 'of life' but every degree adds the emphasis I want.

Thanks for you help with this, and your support,
much love,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

i know surfer speak
but 'paddling out into'
- you need to lose 'out' or 'into', for you are paddling into if you are paddling out
see what i mean?

might work if 'into' was on a new line - indicates a comma when reading... ?

best of wishes getting it to your liking for the funeral tomorrow- i'll be thinking of you
love and hugs
judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I like the concept of surfing
and I have never met a surfer
that you knew one

well that would be you

brave one mate!!!
brave on

Happiness is in knowing
grieving in losing
what we have
let in
and shared

richer for the moments

actually Jason was the brother I never had. Not complaining about six and a half sisters, they're pretty cool.

Definitely richer. My words here feel false and shallow. None could I write to evoke the huge magnetism that changed every room he walked into.

Oh, and by the way, it is unfair and wrong to send me PMs when you have blocked my responses.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

all is good, love you Steven, I know I can be an arsehole. I do try not to be, but sometimes my brain gets in front of me.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A beautiful write and as powerful as you can say..
Your memories are held in words, and thoughts.
Both declare the ways of a great man.
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

he was.

I always wanted everyone I met to meet him.

His life was art.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

There ARE those who seem to lve each day as if it were their last. I'm sorry you have lost such a friend. But when you get that feeling that he's still around, it will be because he Is..................stan

and Jason was too.

He only exists now in the love and memories of those of us left behind. He would be content with that, and I am.

Thanks Stan

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Yes I know your views on religion and I meant he was still here as long as he's remembered by his friends. There will be times you'll probably catch yourself thinking"boy wait until he hears about This!"..........then catch yourself. this is normal and also a good way to keep him "here". Best wishes during the coming days..............stan

I have encountered death
since i was five
and the scene remains so vivid till today
as if twas an occurring of yesterday
i was naive then
but so have been
ere the dawns I so far have seen

you are the first one
I now see in such a dilemma
which will soon be over
the hill

loved

I think your write is fine as is. But that is just my honest opinion. You got the message and emotions across to the reader. I felt part of your loss and also the tribute to the celebration that was Jason's life. I liked this poem very much. Each line a building block to a great structure. I am sorry for your loss, but glad that you were gifted the experience that was Jason's life.

*hugs, Cat (& eddy)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

it's the hardest poem I ever wrote.
I wanted to do a villanelle, but who could compete with Dylan Thomas?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I can anticipate the difficulty of writing after such a loss.It is never easy.I think you have expressed your admiration to him pretty well through these lines especially after the slight changes suggested..
I think Jason would be happy if he could hear it.

Sorry again for your loss

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Rula

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have never in my life felt words so completely inadequate to the task of what I feel.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

the ones above make you feel
you are not alone

I have encountered death
since I was five
and
the scene remains so vivid till today
as if twas an occurring of
just yesterday,
though it was decades away,
many strewn and gone astray...

i was naive then
but so have been
ere the dawns
I so far have seen

you are the first one
I now see in such a dilemma
which will soon be over
the hill
and you too will say
woo hoo!

loved

I appreciate your sympathy and am sorry you felt ignored. Yes, I feel your love and compassion. And I have grown to respect you.
Though I do not relate to your thoughts on death. Jason was an atheist as much as me. When we die we exist only in the memory of others, or procreation, which any fertile fool can do.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Hi Jess

while I respect your beliefs, can I say that one doesn’t have to believe in a god to believe we continue….

just for your interest sake, I would love you to check out my two writes – true stories, and out of the mouths of babes
xxx

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/collected

http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/joshua%E2%80%99s-story

thinking of you… it does get better I promise
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

gratitude
for the moment of silence
till we can discourse freely
on pain
death and memories
all fade away slowly....

loved

A TRIBUTE TO AN AUSSIE POET PAR EXCELLENCE JESS

George Bernard Shaw said

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying
to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."

I have also swum against the current
all my life
even though I ain't a swimmer
yes
et all breathless!

Many friends fall by the way side
as I alone stride
the world takes a pride
when one has gone aside

then one is remembered
on an off occasion
at times
some are forgotten
ere!!!

you are young my Jess
a friend indeed
I now guess

But for you I do profess
none would have ever read me
Yes
Oh!
JESS! (((((((.In caps

Dearest Jess, in the moments of shared anguish and grief, I can only be with you in spirit. I can't
physically hug you, but you know the ones who have touched your life will always be close to you.

Love is the glue that bonds us together.

Love.

~

That was me, Jess; couldn't access my account for some reason on Barry's computer.

Rage rage against the dying of the light.

~A

in just a few words I can pick your voice from Barry's,

thankyou
love and hugs

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have to say your poem reminded me of W.H.Audens famous poem Funeral Blues it goes by three other names but I cant remember them .... I think your feelings for your friend come across very strongly ... I am loath to offer changes

hugz xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

dear JC

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

A couple of years ago I was asked if I could write a eulogy for my sister's funeral. After a half-dozen false starts I realised I just could not do it. I did not have the words.

You, my friend, do have the words and the ability to structure them to tell the world of its loss. I wish I could have met this guy.

Kindest Regards

Ian

TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA

Sometimes with a work this personal I keep my ever-present opinions to myself. What is pure is what you wrote and the feelings you have are transferred to me as empathy. I wish I would have known him.

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

I am not exaggerating when I say everyone who knew him was changed.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I won't crit cause thats already been done. Just to say sorry for your loss and a fine dedication. You seem to carry on his spirit with your thoughtful words

John

in a world without Jason, this poem is about my most hated word. A word that makes me gag and retch. Discipline.

There were no words I could possibly write about a man I have loved for longer than most of you have been alive. But I was expected to say something at the funeral. So I made myself. I exercised [reaches for the vomit basket] discipline. I looked up his favourite phrase "Maintain the rage" and found it came from the speech Gough Whitlam gave when he was sacked as Prime Minister in the CIA engineered coup of Australian politics in 1975. I looked into my memories of Jason and chose honesty. Yes he was kind, funny, intelligent and caring, but he also carried a lot of anger at the world and its imperfections. I made notes. I crafted them into a poem of sorts.

This work might not count as "mindful and memorable" to a world audience, but the feedback I have received indicates it worked even for those who never knew this magnificent man.

My point is, if there is feeling, if one learns and uses ones craft, we can be effective poets.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

...personally, I just bread the rantings of an ill-prepared, shattered, lost, and untethered elf that I know of. I'm not criticizing your poetry.....as much as l am you.
BECAUSE, you don't believe in "hallmark poetry", don't try and write it; expecting to introduce us all to a stranger that you cannot even write, about.
I've taken it REPEATEDLY on the "chin" for this, from you.........so DON'T you EVER, ask me for a "break"!
You bumped your head; although I'm sorry for your loss....I'm even sorrier for your inabality to express it.
Sincerely,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

...this wasn't really YOUR loss. It was everyone's who knew Sir Jason. I learned ias a minister that, it is reccommended the ones that were closest to him; must seriously attempt to NOT say "I" in thier personal condolances. It isn't about you. You WERE very generous in you remarks about this individual, but it was just my training as clergy, to...rather, say something like, "So very sorry for such a huge loss, for you and yours."
take it or leave it, that was my only, "nitpick" availablr from me, at this writing.
A fine effort, though.....none the less.
Sincerely, doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

I only used the first person in the first stanza, as a poetic device, to draw the listener/reader in, the "where were you when you heard the news" concept. The rest is all about him.

Besides, just how relevant is clergy training to an atheist elf? Not. If it hadn't been written to read at the funeral I would have splashed my personal grief and loss around in large lumps.

Nonetheless, thanks for the read and feedback

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Now you have two peoples images to show the world.
Jason's and you young Jess, it is a new task for you
but I guess that you are up to it.
As the days pass into their allotted place you will be able to carry both with you and maybe He will be there at your side, go well Jess and know that we are there with you also, Yours Ian.T & Friends.

PS:- The friends will never leave, as they are what make us
as we walk with them...

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

...that was very eloquently put.
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

Times have changed its true is not up to the quality of Requiem for Jason which came from your soul although I know you do not believe it exists.

Hi Jess,

Its really remarkable. Love the flow.

Wish you write one for me too... For our friendship :)

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