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INCIDENT by Countee Cullen (Stans Imagery Workshop)

Once walking in old Baltimore
Heart-free, soul-filled with glee
I saw a Baltimorean
was looking back at me

Now I was eight and very shy
and he was no mud digger
and so I smiled, but he poked out
his tongue and named me Nigger

I saw no more of Baltimore
from then until December
of all the things that happened here
that's all I remember

----

INCIDENT by Countee Cullen

Once ....in old Baltimore
Heart-...., .......- filled with glee
I saw a Baltimorean
...........looking.......at me

Now I was eight and very............
and he was no ...........
and so I smiled, but he..... .....
his tongue... ...... ...Nigger

I saw ... ....of Baltimore
...............until December
of all the things .... .... ....
that's all I remember

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think you did very well.

Love
Alid

Thank you it wasn't as easy as it looked

Love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

This looks like you did a fine job. The poem makes a lot of sense as you gave careful thought top the words you have filled in. I have never read the original but this looks good

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

Given the subject matter I gave it a lot of thought I actually did it about ten times before I was happy with the result, I am still to read the original and I have to say I am anxious to find out how far out I was, Thanks hun

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I guess you have done a splendid job by filling in your words in place of ellipsis and they I believe fit perfectly to make sense in the context of what was made available to you. I would be surprised if the original is different than what you have done.

raj (sublime_ocean)

For me the two big clues were the title and the word nigger, I think they really were crucial clues I then put myself in that headspace I actually sat for a while the first night just filling in the words randomly and then after sleeping on it I decided to bite the bullet and have a crack at it, it wasn't as easy as it looked I struggled a little on a couple of lines the worst line for me was the second line of the second stanza I really had trouble filling in those blanks.

I am sure the original is very different from what I have here I really have no clue

love and hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I guess you must have loved solving jigsaw puzzles as a kid and may be even now :)

much love n hugs...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I love crosswords and jigsaw puzzles I love solving things I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't have done something else other than music I was very good at math's and science so who knows and I am not too old to start now but my love of the written word well that's my true love affair, one day I might even write a great poem lol

love and hugs Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Reading your comments to Raj make me smile. See, to me you have written a few great poems here. Its no longer a matter of writing a great poem, the real question is how many more are you going to write. Unless of course your definition of the word "great" is different than mine. Keep on writing.

love and hugs
Alid

Dear jayn.
I really loved what you did here. You've captured the memories of that little boy vividly.
Bravo!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Thank you, I have to say I struggled and I had trouble so I slept on it the first night, I just hope I did it justice, but I am happy with how everyone has received it

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I was wondering what progress you have made with your assignment. I was going to call 999 and find out why you are bunking Stan's Workshop :)

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks for your concerns. I had some family commitments by the weekend but it's ready on the stream now , so no need to call 999 :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

let's see.....

Alid

Good meter and imaginative rhyme. The only thing I didn't like was the last line. Your meter is flawless throughout save there. You need one more syllable.

"that word's all I remember" Don't use this suggestion, but find one of your own. I wanted to show you where the meter in the last line didn't match the rest of the poem.
The rest is superlative.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I don't know about the last line as it is as Stan gave it to me but after checking your right, maybe there was a missed word in copying the poem the last line was left as is I wasn't meant to add anything there weird, I am really happy you liked what I did it wasn't an easy assignment I had to mull on it overnight, Thanks so much for taking time to check it out

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

my headache is just beginning.. very,very,very tempted to check the original poem but so far i managed to resist.pray for me, angel....pls

Love
Alid

I am sure you will be fine its an exercise or homework its designed to help you better your knowledge don't give into temptation lol that would defeat the purpose...don't tie yourself in knots OK ?...I will have a look asap after you post it

Love Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

can I ask you something? I thought you could post more than one poem for a workshop without waiting for the 23hr rule to expire but I can't get around it .errr... any ideas how to tackle this problem?

Help
Alid
Pls

You should be able to post, that's really strange maybe the sites hit another glitch hmmm talk to Stan he can sort out tech problems quicker than I can I'm no longer in the know of these things anymore...oooo make sure when your submitting that you click the workshop tab until you do it won't let you get around the 23 hr rule that could be your problem ?

Love Jayne xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I've just posted my assignment but something's not right. You can see for yourself in the stream and read my comment in the workshop page. its driving me nuts!

Alid

Did you hit the button which designated your shop poem as such?...........stan

I did, Stan.

Alid

That's the end of my computer expertise lol. Darned bugs seem to be multiplying

It's apparent I should have chosen another poem for you because you did this too well lol. I'll post original here this evening............stan

I have refrained from reading the original so I can say I cant wait to be put out of my misery, ? did it too well ? I am tempted to go read it now...

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

Incident by Countee Cullen

Once riding in old Baltimore,
Heart-filled, head-filled with glee,
I saw a Baltimorean
Keep looking straight at me.

Now I was eight and very small,
And he was no whit bigger,
And so I smiled, but he poked out
His tongue at me, and called me," Nigger."

I saw the whole of Baltimore
From May until December;
Of all the things that happened there
That's all that I remember

See what I mean by this being too easy for you lol? BTW please define what a "mud digger"is..........stan

Omg I cant believe how close I was to the original though I have to say I gave it great thought before I did my edit, I am stunned tbh... and the definition of mud digger is...

Web definitions

ditch digger: a laborer who digs ditches

but I am also ashamed to say its a slang term for nigger here in Aussie

Billy lid is a kid

mud digger is a nigger

get my meaning

love Jayne

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

"nigger" is base slang here for a black person lol. Honky is a white person...........stan

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