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A hidden gaze

There is nothing left of life
that death cannot resolve,
times velocity spins on stolen lips
and minute pieces of adamantine
pierce the edge of soles
worn with pain

Right here,
Where night and dawn merge
the membrane strains
cleaving, as shade blackens blue
for mere milli seconds

Standing in the hollows of night
still, watching forever shimmering
in the shadowed corner of my eye,
always a curious creature
I swallow bricks and mortar
tasting truth

In my head an orchestra plays
the symphonies composed of my life
strings wring my heart with melodies
wrought in pain and self-loathing
shame and eventual surrender
to the beat

in the beauty of renewal
in the peace of your reflections
I've wondered at the universe
memorizing the mysteries unsolved
ever tantalized neurons smashed
awakening ever and over again

Sleep has been a foreign land
settled by the fortunate
longed for by the tortured
spirits of my mind

Yet in these dark magnificent galaxies
when snores softly sigh in peace
or monsters haunt your dreams,
I watch millennia of mourning
shatter the promise of darkness evermore,
I wondered as sunshine held a drop of dew
the light of hope captured the ghosts of night
banishing them forevermore, or until nights edge

I am a watcher and a teller of tales
singer of forbidden songs and tragedy,
downtrodden, I rose to fight again and again
with a schizophrenic mind harnessed
within the beauty of a single star
and the promise of humanity
in the kindness of a strangers touch

Now at the end of all journeys
my final battle lays in that
which I know not, shackled
that foreign land whisks me away
again and again, dreams cease
as moisture rolls from my brow

Slowly, slowly, slowly
winding down into nothingness
Gently, gently, gently
I will lay down your cries of grief

My words aren’t never-ending
my breath will someday cease
Yet true beauty and wonder lies
in the wondrous infinity of peace

just look into these eyes overflowing with pain
know, there will be an end, even that shall cease.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "A Hidden Gaze," is a thought-provoking exploration of life, death, and the beauty found in between. The speaker contemplates the duality of existence, the struggles of the mind, and the promise of hope. The use of vivid imagery and sensory language effectively draws the reader into the speaker's world.

One suggested line edit would be to change "aren't" in the line "My words aren't never-ending" to "are," as "aren't" can be seen as a double negative and may disrupt the flow of the line.

Overall, the poem is well-crafted and showcases the poet's ability to convey complex emotions and ideas through language. The final lines are particularly impactful, leaving the reader with a sense of peace and acceptance.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Thank you AI very astute response

On point I'd have to say.



“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

an epic trip through a restless night for me. I love the hint of madness and the promise of eternal rest. Great stuff! It has inspired me to write in a like vein and I hope that it comes out half so well as this one has for you! Can't pick a favorite line or lines; far too many! ~ Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

It is an epic trip through night, introspection and mulling over the strange thoughts that come to mind between night and day

I think one of the most humble gifts we can give each other is inspiration. I look forward to reading your poem.

Much love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

a most thoughtful peek at the entire package from cradle to the grave and beyond. this poem causes me to feel ashamed of my selfishness in trying to hang on to those in my life who i have love and have loved. an amazing piece of art you have crafted!

*love, Sis-Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for the read and your very kind comment, it's not just a peek at my life but reflection on others who've gone before me, I too am selfish I would wish to have my father back in a heartbeat but only if he was whole. I would never want him to suffer as he did at the end, that also applies to my brother Ian. His disease was one of the cruellest things I've witnessed someone go through. MND.

Thank you for the kind compliment

Love you always Lilbit xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Hello, Jayne,
What bold, yet somehow gentle poetry. I felt the sharp edge that reality in life brings - and then felt the gentleness in "the promise of humanity in the kindness of a stranger's touch." All brought together so fluidly, with a tender frankness and empathy. I felt the journey, whether from dusk to dawn, or from the first breath to the last.
Hope you are well, Precious Poet.

I have missed you, This one was a journey travelled many times over but always? the route is a different one, I think that life is a jumble of roads, some that we come across sometimes just once and sometimes over and over depending on the lessons learned. Thank you so much for reading and letting me know your thoughts they're always very valuable to me.

much love sweet lady from Me xxxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment
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