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Just not today

I should have let you in
gave you a room of your own,
I should have hand fed you
an equal measure of attention

I should have acquiesced
shown you my heart,
giving you a holy name
whispered in reverence

I would welcome the pain
we are eternally acquainted,
I could have been content
whilst grinding bones to dust

But I muttered "not today"
drawing breath free of death,
aching in the pit of my soul
forever wondering "what if?"

Sapphire waves will part
whiteness lining the shore,
and I shall wade and glide
sliding into forevers arms

Just not today

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: Just not today

The poem effectively conveys a sense of regret and longing, with the recurring phrase "not today" emphasizing the postponement of facing one's emotions. The language used in the poem is evocative and creates vivid imagery, which helps to engage the reader.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Consistency in punctuation: The poem lacks consistency in punctuation, with some lines ending in commas, while others do not. To improve the overall flow and readability, consider using a consistent punctuation style throughout the poem.

2. Line breaks and stanza structure: The poem's structure could benefit from more intentional line breaks and stanza organization. Currently, the poem is divided into five stanzas with varying line lengths. Consider organizing the poem into stanzas with a consistent number of lines to create a more balanced appearance and to enhance the poem's rhythm.

3. Refining imagery: While the poem uses vivid imagery, some lines could be refined to create a stronger impact. For example, the line "whilst grinding bones to dust" could be rephrased to provide a clearer connection to the theme of regret and longing.

4. Exploring the "what if?": The poem introduces the idea of "forever wondering 'what if?'" but does not delve deeper into the potential consequences of the speaker's actions. Expanding on this concept could add an additional layer of complexity to the poem and further engage the reader.

Overall, the poem effectively communicates a sense of longing and regret. By refining the poem's structure, punctuation, and imagery, the poem can become even more impactful and engaging for readers.

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I really like this one. It seems to parallel some of the conversations I've had with myself. "Just not today" says it all.

My only suggestion (and I'm not sure it is an improvement) is to change "drawing breath free of death" to "my breath free of death". Beyond that, I wouldn't change a word.


Hello, Jayne,
I agree with Steve - this could very well be a conversation I've had with myself through certain times in my life. It is quite beautiful and still. There is a deep longing, and a small bit of hope. It's like waiting for a long over-due hug...if that makes any sense.

like the curse I have sent to the door, as the pounding on it has wakened me from my daydreams. With a groan of disgust, I have muttered, "Not today". The question won't go away, and I reply "Just let me be, not today!" Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.

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it feels like being one step ahead of the wolf and his great sharp white fangs! I feel it!!!

*ever eddy
*love, Sis Cat

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