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I want nothing more.

To make it clear,
I want nothing more
than to be at peace,
to feel a perfumed breeze
off gentle waves
kissing my cheeks,
to run my fingers
through desert sands
so milk white, I'm dazzled

I want to walk over
the hills and valleys
to the plains,
at my destination?
I want to run my hands
over ears of wheat,
swaying in thrall
to moonlight

I want isochronal
lifetimes to possess me,
but time is a thief laughing
as I cry new empty oceans,
I am nothing, a void,
a mere husk decayed
dried up and dead

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.


The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Title: I want nothing more.


1. Imagery: The poem effectively uses vivid imagery to convey the speaker's desires, such as "a perfumed breeze off gentle waves" and "desert sands so milk white." These images help the reader visualize and connect with the speaker's longing for peace and serenity.

2. Structure: The poem is written in free verse, with no consistent rhyme scheme or meter. This structure works well for the poem's theme, as it allows the speaker's thoughts and desires to flow naturally.

3. Tone: The poem's tone shifts from a sense of longing and desire in the first two stanzas to a feeling of despair and emptiness in the final stanza. This shift effectively conveys the speaker's frustration with the passage of time and the inability to achieve their desires.

4. Diction: The poem uses a mix of simple and more complex language, such as "isochronal lifetimes" and "husk decayed." This diction adds depth to the poem and engages the reader's intellect.

5. Theme: The poem explores the theme of desire and the passage of time. The speaker's yearning for peace and serenity is contrasted with the harsh reality of time's relentless march, resulting in a sense of despair and emptiness.

Suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider adding more sensory details to the poem to further immerse the reader in the speaker's experiences. For example, you could include the sounds or smells of the ocean or the feel of the wheat beneath the speaker's hands.

2. The transition between the second and third stanzas could be made smoother by using a connecting phrase or image that bridges the shift in tone.

3. The final stanza's imagery of decay and emptiness is powerful, but it could be further developed to create a more profound impact on the reader. Consider expanding on the metaphor of the speaker as a "husk" and exploring the implications of this image in greater detail.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to

Thanks AI, I think lol ;)

Regards Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

I get it. Most times, we [as The Great Mick says] can't always get what we want. Thanks for the new word, isochronal !
I'm not sure that I will ever use it, but you never know. I guess that my bucket-list should be short, as I don't think that there will be enough time to accomplish all that I would like, but I have my imagination and lots of good friends to help with the places and ideas. Don't ever give up, voids are meant to be filled and husks are capable of being reanimated with the juices that flow from our fertile friendships. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I like you will be keeping my bucket-list limited, there is not enough time left to complete it and do the "things", you know? I am a rare word junkie over the years I've thrown a few at you guys and it always pleases me when I find one someone hasn't heard, it's like I have given then a gift. I remember an argument I had with the Elf about Muniment hahaha he was so bent that I had spelt it wrong and had to come back with hat in hand lol

I don't know that I can ever give up I am a tenacious one so I've been told, thanks so much for the visit and getting it.

much love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Hello, Jayne,
" feel a perfumed breeze off gentle waves..." Your description and imagery capture the essence of peace of mind, a sense of freedom in your heart. Such vivid language and emotion. I hope that all you've described and desire run to greet you soon.
Much love,

I am in a rough place like so many of us at the moment, but I try not to be a "pity me" junkie, I need to get this stuff off my chest, I don't think the magnificent words that reside inside? can be let out until all the darkness pain and grief have been purged.

It has been the hardest year of my life in so many ways, but then in others I have been endlessly blessed. So, I won't complain.

Thanks so much for reading and being here

love always J xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Your last verse reverberates in my soul. It has the same echoing sorrow that I feel when I listen to one of my favorites: Dust in the Wind by Kansas. I hope that, before that verse comes to fruition, you achieve at least some of what you desire.


I'm sitting here at nearly midnight listening to your song as I write this message, I had never heard that song before, I absolutely love it!!, "All we are dust in the wind" Wow!!! I love the violin or fiddle I guess they'd call it. Thanks so much for introducing me to this song. My only hope is for a little peace and a lot of laughs from those i love. That would be enough for me.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!!

Hugs Lilbit

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

I feel all of your poem, each stage. I sit in wonder at your poetic prowess. the two sections are like day and night/ cannot have one without the other. that, and they compliment the other!

*love, Sis Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I can't have one without the other, I have changed so much in these last months, I feel a shift inside me and I can't explain it. Lifes been hard before, way harder than it is now, maybe my tolerance for emotional pain has lessened or maybe its the fact I am so alone on this planet and it hits me at the worst time. Thanks so much for being here and reading my work.

I am always happy to see you've commented and liked something I write. I hope you're feeling better I have been sending white light your way.

Love always Lilbit xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

I love this poem - if that sounds trite, it is not meant to be. There is such a sadness held within it, and a true loneliness (whoever this real for you or not, only you know - that is the beauty of poetry). personally, I celebrate the division of your poem , the divided sections of movement, desire, whatever.
Commentary is difficult at times: I had little hairs standing up in my heart ( yes, yes, I know they are not really there), but that sense of acknowledgement , a meeting place, was very strong. A rawness, a sorrowing, I suppose.
Thank you.
A delight.

Jenifer Jaspa James

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