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The GIrl Who Didn't Exist Part 2: DRAMATIC VERSE WS

(Still incredibly sensitive to the light, Sasha chose to wander the town at dusk. She found peace in an old abandoned cemetery, creating a temporary home inside a desecrated mausoleum. The chain lock had been broken off by vandals and the doors swung wide open at the slightest tough. It is inside the mausoleum, surrounded by stone walls and a lonely sarcophagus, that we see how vulnerable Sasha really is as Baby emerges to help her cope with her fears.)

 

BABY:    Aren’t you afraid?

 

SASHA: Afraid of what? There is no one here but us.

 

NEVERMORE: (interrupts) Technically speaking, however, there is someone else residing here.  (eyes shift toward the marble sarcophagus)

 

SASHA: He’s already dead,

I doubt there is much he can do.

(Walks over and looks at the writing inscribed on the side of the sarcophagus)

William Alexander Watson died 1869. (talking to the sarcophagus as if she expects an answer)

Well, I guess you HAVE been in here a while, huh?

Looks like everyone forgot about you too.

 

NEVERMORE: (sarcastic) Looks like you found someone you have something in common with.

 

SASHA: Oh piss off, you miserable whore!

 

BABY:   STOP IT!

 Don’t get so close! Y

You’ve never seen one of those things before.

What if he really isn’t dead?

 

Nevermore: She hasn’t seen anything out here before

                       Remember that bastard kept her all to himself

 

BABY:  I don’t like this

            I don’t know where I am

            I don’t even know who I am

            (screaming) SOMEONE HELP ME

(Sasha retreats to a corner of the mausoleum and sits down, rocking back and forth. Her inner-child, the part that was never developed, nurtured or had a chance to grow, has surfaced. She is trying to protect the adult Sasha from the unknown, which at this point, is everything around her)

 

NEVERMORE:  Ladies, could we please get it together?

                          We have a job to do

                         There are scores to be settled

                        More than one

                      Can’t have you falling apart

                       What’s done is done

 

BABY:         If what’s done is done

                    Can’t we just move on?

 

SASHA:      That would be too simple

                    Don’t you know?

                     She’s already got us in trouble

                     Playing killing games

                     I wish she would just DIE!

NEVERMORE: I can’t die, Precious

                        Haven’t you figured it out?

                       You created me, to save yourself

                      Now there is no getting out

                     I am part of you, I call the shots

                   Do as I say and you will be okay

                  Now dry your eyes and put Baby to bed

                 When night time comes,

                Nothing will be left unsaid

 

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Part 2 of my play....now we have introduced the third and final voice, the inner child who was never allowed to be....
Editing stage: 

Comments

Now I get to know more about Nevermore. You did well to display her here. Not only did you excel in this workshop, you've given me the info which might add spice to my hunter series. I'm very happy. Thanks for sharing.

Alid

I have nearly finished my holiday in the States but may do some exercises before I leave.
Having met Nevermore, and liked her and Killer very much I may drop in on them before moving on, I found that killing in the states didn't have the same effect as in other countries, I will leave it for a week or so before making my mind up,
Yours Digit..

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

How nice to see you, the Raven and Nevermore are always happy to see you...thanks for the read..look for more

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

You are enjoying this despite my lack of meter. Meter makes my brain hurts and I am really enjoying the play part of this. I will continue to work on the verse aspect.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

but like the other part I don't see much poetry here. This is prose. The play is good as is the format, but dramatic "verse" I'm afraid it is not. It lacks poetic rhythm (which means meter).
I'm anxious to hear more comments on this.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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At this point meter is making my brain hurt...I am having a good time with the play part..I am a much better prose writer than poet....I seem to have a few fans. ..will put new stuff up and work on the old..this really is a fun project

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I'm in pain and my eyes are weary, and my mind is fighting hard. So, I'll shall be back to reread you and share crit. I'm am working on my play. Though

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

what you have written and the critique, I realize where I have gone wrong. No meter! I love the story and hope that you will expand upon it. ~ Gee

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Meter absolutely makes my brain hurt, at this point I am having a good time putting the verses in script. I know it isn't exactly what Wesley had in mind but I am getting good reviews so I will continue to write it and at least give everyone a good script to read, if nothing else. I am a much better prose writer. Perhaps this little script can turn into something else....Have you read Part 1 and the Monologue? The Monologue needs some more work but will work on that as I have the time. I really am enjoying the whole "play" part of this.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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