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Night Terror

Don't come any closer
If you know what's good
Don't come any closer
I wish you would

You push me
Break my bones
Don't come any closer
I wish you would

Blood on the floor boards
Blood on my hands
Knife bent
Shattered end

You run your mouth
Even tho you're dead
Your poison words
Get out of my head

Blood on the walls
Blood on my clothes
Body lay dripping
In the hall.....

They're coming to get me
They heard the screams
I'm not sorry
But you still haunt my dreams

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 

Comments

should read even though you are dead not as you have written it here
also the sentence run your mouth
perhaps you run your mouth
the entire stanza seems to be misworded I see what you want to say but the wording does not convey it
all in all pretty dark and gruesome

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the emotion for later. You need to fix the typos. [Shattered] end?
[you're] dead
[they're] coming
Nice! ~ Gee.
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Thank you for the input

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I'm feeling a bit like that right now. At 62 I am still a stupid, hopeless romantic aand have almost fallen in love with an ice freak. She is incredibly charismatic, so drawn to her, but she has episodes of rage, paranoia and delusion. Oh, I know I should stay away but I keep going back anyway. It won't end well.

Love the poem, good edits. Nothing to ad sorry.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Thank you for your feedback. Sometimes it is hard to stay away even when we know it won't end well. Wish you all the best.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

...a trend at the moment for horror poems. Edna will have to contribute to the genre.

PS: why abbreviate though to tho? It seems too casual and slangy.
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

On Saturday night. I decided to change the spelling of though. Just a personal preference.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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