Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Alstatian
Twas a dark and bitter night
My breath froze in front of me
Droplets scarring the snow below
Just a little further to go
With each step, I paused
Only to hear footfalls behind
Slowly I turned, but no one was there
A cold breeze circled and raised every hair
Suddenly the moon grew eerily bright
A silhouette drifted from its silver strands
As it weaved throughout the trees
I held my breath, hoping it wouldn't see
Slowly it approached, donning a star pelt
Glittering, its tail embraced.me, pulling me close
I felt its dead breath, cold and rank
Claws running curiously down my flank
I opened my mouth to speak
But it silenced me, as it changed
Now before me stood a man
Holding out his hand
Entranced, I accepted his invite
And to the star clad sky we went
I saw the world through colorless eyes
His rise, fall and catastrophic demise
Once upon a time, he had been somebody
Now trapped in an unfamiliar world
When we were done, he returned me
I wondered if he would now let me be
Very gently, he leaned forward
And grazed my cheek
Then he turned and let out a howl
Before fading away
For a moment, I was paralyzed
Wondering why he chose to share with me
I hadnt asked his name, though I wished I had
Then very softly, something whispered, 'Alstatian'
Comments
Hannah Moonlark
Fri, 2020-02-14 23:05
Hi
I like this poem. Very good job.
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2020-02-15 03:30
Thank you
The poem will be displayed in tonight's Chat on the Dark side hope to see you there.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2020-02-15 03:31
Thank you
For your kind words and critique. The poem will be displayed in tonight's Chat on the dark side. Hope to see you there.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Geezer
Sun, 2020-02-16 22:55
Just one criticism...
Balmy makes one think of [warm] not cold and frosty. Suggest you change it to cold, freezing etc. ~ Gee.
.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place
lonlyhrtsclub13
Tue, 2020-02-18 16:36
Thanks Gee
Will make the change
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Edna Sweetlove
Wed, 2020-02-19 19:13
What is..
...an Alstation?
.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
lonlyhrtsclub13
Thu, 2020-02-20 08:46
Alstatian
Is what the British call a German Shepherd Dog, per my research on the name. In this poem, it is the name of the spirit.
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Edna Sweetlove
Thu, 2020-02-20 09:38
No!
You mean an Alsatian! (i.e a dog from Alsace, a part of French which is partly German-speaking and to which Germany laid claim.
!!!!!
.
.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
lonlyhrtsclub13
Fri, 2020-02-28 22:09
Thank you
For the clarification. The article I read was wrong and even misspelled the name
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Edna Sweetlove
Sat, 2020-02-29 09:53
Might it not...
...be a good idea to correct the title to avoid confusing anyone else?
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sat, 2020-02-29 09:59
It could simply be taken
As a character name. When I wrote prose my characters had unusual names with no real meaning
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Edna Sweetlove
Sun, 2020-03-01 08:13
A bit like...
...calling a Pekinese a Pookinose? Or a Dalmatian a Dillmoron?
.
xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars