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Ode to the Cell Phone March Contest

Day in, day out
You make me
Want to shout
With your never ending
Tap tap tap

I tell you when to wake
I tell you when to sleep
Counting every step
And every bite you eat
Beep beep beep

You drop me in the toilet
Toss me on the ground
I fix your grammar
And you change it back
Kind of rude, Jack

Your life is in my memory
One glitch and it’s all gone
Without me, you’re hopeless
Without me, you're done

No, it isn’t Alexa
Nor Siri or Google
It's your cell phone, Baby
And I’m taking over

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

great personification with lots of humor and facts...I loved the rhythm of caller tune of your cell
I suggest you suffix the title with [for March Contest}]

best of luck ..
.........................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

It was a fun write! I will add contest to the title.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Do enter it! Great bit of humor!

Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

making the "voice" of the poem the phone. True about the grammar part, we all hate it. How many texts we have to resend with the corrected slang or word we chose, but the damn phone corrected. Who asked it to???

I would consider dropping this line "Can you guess who I am?" we know who it is, it becomes rhetorical and and just eliminating it makes no difference to the logic of the last stanza.

.....

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I eliminated the line you mentioned and it sounds better. The grammar part kills me. My phone literally says what it wants despite what I type.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

I'd love to set this to music. I read it and I hear the tune already...

Be on to something. What type of music?

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

love it

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

...but your rhythm pot-holes here and there and spoils an otherwise excellent ride.

Best wishes....val.

we're backing ourselves
in a corner
cos technology dictates us to yield.
we can go where we like
in our bedroom
and walk with our words in a field
where all of the lambs
they are springing
with joy, beside their dearest ma
to the trailer, there in the corner
that's shortly
for Nick's abettoir.

Best wishes....val.

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