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The Scream Continues

Floating above the darkness
Watching from the highest plane
Tree branches that turn to hands
Crooked fingers digging in
Blood dripping, dragging me under

Fighting, screaming, intertwined
The flames of love and hate burning my skin
The devil I know
Is safer than the one I don't
Our flesh combined, turns to dust

Raw and familiar
Will the pain ever end
The pounding, the shouting
My mind whirls
For Christ sake, just leave me here

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

This kinda Does remind me of that painting "The Scream". During times of stress it's often a good thing to let it out before it rots the spirit from the inside. For some strange reason I think next to last line would read better if you said " My mind whirls"...........maybe because whirl give a more chaotic feel?....stan

For your insight. I like 'whirls' much better than spinning. It gives a twister effect which plays into the chaotic feel of the vision. Thank you!!!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment

Carrie, for you alone I would have been happy to run this workshop.

Remember though, there are some really nice places to go to too.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Your praise means everything. I am just thrilled with this workshop and look forward to exploring the others you recently listed. Hopefully I will be able to visit some nicer places.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

author comment
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