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Dark dark night
Staring at those
Dark dark eyes
A silhouette of not an angel that hides

in the air... hush...
watch it disappear !

Don't wake me up
I'll catch fear
These eyes only wanna see you
in my head

When I turn the lights on,
You disappear....

Why do you disappear?

Editing stage: 


Just be careful not to use words twice it may attract critique, like now lol
Dark Dark the second one could be deep velvet eyes, otherwise it sounds a little lazy.
Wait a while to see what others say first but I think it is a pet hate of some of our readers.
You take care, and lovely to read your pieces , Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Welcome back.
I'm Wesley and I've only been with NeoPoet about a year. They actually let me run some stuff.
I'm going to disagree with Ian. I think repetitive phrasing is not only acceptable, but a good tool if used carefully.
If I had a suggestion it would be this.
If you are going to use "repetitive phrasing" in a poem I believe it must be used intensely. Not just in the first line, but throughout the poem as though it were a central tenet of the piece.
Does that make sense?
The poem is dark. There seems to be a lot of dark poetry at NeoPoet these days. Do you write anything lighter?
I hope you stick around. There is a lot of potential in what I read and I would very much like to see you grow into your self.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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