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Clock

I do not like it.
Everyday it has that cold stare.
I want to break it to pieces.
I want it unrepairable.

It lives in my room,
hanging comfortably on my wall.
Disturbingly circle,
round round round.

The dawn came when I finally decided,
to kill the demon.
I smashed it to the wall,
'till it was no longer recognizable.

I had my sleep.
I woke up without worry .
I was relaxed and happy
...until I saw another one hanging.

It must be mother, how could she?
She does not know
That time
is my ENEMY.

This insanity I cannot
tell anyone.
They'll think I am crazy!
They'll send me off if I let them know!

Tic Toc
Tic Toc
Tic Toc

I do not like it.
I do not like the way it stares.
I hate the way it goes round and round
I hate the way it controls me.

Tic toc
tic toc
tic toc

TIC TOC

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wanted this to sound unorganized or something like from the head of a mad person
Editing stage: 

Comments

like someone mad is talking. I know how does it feel when there's a clock ticking in your head especially when at the bedroom.
I think the repetition doesn't serve your intention in its present way.
I'll try to think of more to improve.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I guess I have to be mad to create mad poetry :D I am always fascinated by mad people. I wanna know what is n their minds

author comment

One man's madness or one woman's madness is anothers genius, so i would'nt worry to much. I think to write about time is fascinating, but it only controls us if we let it. On the other hand writing gets a grip and won't let go, i like the way you've written this. And when i read it i can feel how a clock could control you if you let it, so for me the poem works. A heartfelt welcome to Neopoet, Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I find myself so busy with thesis and i dont have time for myself to even relax anymore. I had to steal time to do what I want. Yeah I agree. :)

author comment

Just the odd too many Tic's from the clock, but a good write all the same or insane, whichever, lol.
Mind you not a good thing to want to go inside of a mad mind, we have our own torments without going into that realm of no control.
You stay as you are and use your imagination to be, not others insanity.
Take care life is not easy, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I wanted to represent the tic toc as the sound of the clock while the speaker was staring at it. I dont know how to make it better. I wanted the clock to be very evil. I think we are mad in our own ways :)

author comment
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