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Random Thoughts

Submitted by KatrinaPhotophobia on Fri, 2013-07-12 16:20

In this little box of room,

I open up deep thoughts

Roaming, roaming

Moving

In this little box of room

The clock speaks louder

Ticking, ticking

Screaming

And so this soul will predict its doom

It will lie where no flowers shall ever bloom

Ears will turn deaf and the mouth mute

Death be the general whom I give my salute

In this corner,

The lips turn white

Laughing, laughing

Shivering

In this corner,

The body falls asleep

Dreaming, dreaming,

Hoping

And so this soul will predict its doom

It will lie where no flowers shall ever bloom

Ears will turn deaf and the mouth mute

Death be the general whom I give my salute

This day I hope not to remember

For the silence reminds me of such nothingness,

But such nothingness will cause me the greatest disaster

I am left with no choice but to welcome slumber.

Slumber, slumber in a sea of none

Slumber, slumber in a sea of none.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
There's no title yet. I am still trying to get back to writing. :) 19 April 2013 at 12:23
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

ida

Fri, 2013-07-12 16:56

boredoms clock
hopelessness companion
despairs courtesan
leaden limb
oasis beckons
sleeps release

I thank you for the honesty of the piece as I too have laid
in wait, for relief from a courage to large to scale.

library-Buddhism-minds agony revealed

thank you
ida

Ian.T

Fri, 2013-07-12 18:17

Ian.T's picture
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Welcome back you can now restart you learning more now Neo has been reborn and is functioning better than before.
This is a good piece the theme is good and I look forward to reading more of your writes, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

KatrinaPhotophobia

Sat, 2013-07-13 15:38

KatrinaPhotophobia's picture

Thank you so much. I have always believed that I can go back to writing but it takes a lot of time unlike before. I'll work on it a lot.

author comment

lonlyhrtsclub13

Sat, 2013-07-13 09:10

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

There are alot of Poe like qualities here. Reminded me much of my favorite, The Raven. Really good write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

lonlyhrtsclub13

Sat, 2013-07-13 09:10

lonlyhrtsclub13's picture

There are alot of Poe like qualities here. Reminded me much of my favorite, The Raven. Really good write.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Esker

Sat, 2013-07-20 10:29

Esker's picture

is like music with extra subtle notes....
draws me in
like rain falling in its tender mulitide
from the roof edge

I like your writing very much
You write with a strong voice
not holding back...
I enjoy each read
for its refreshment and intensity

Like a waterfalls full of intensity
the mists
its power..

its raw untamed edge...

rare here..

Thank You!!!
Steven...

KatrinaPhotophobia

Wed, 2014-03-26 18:25

KatrinaPhotophobia's picture

That is a very thrilling comment mr.Steven...I also write songs :D I am glad you enjoyed my writing, :D take care :D

author comment

raj

Tue, 2014-03-25 15:02

Thanks for updating this poem which has given me the privilege of reading it. It has a unique quality where one can feel thoughts intoning, reverberating and echoing in the mind space. That;s what I experienced while reading through.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

KatrinaPhotophobia

Wed, 2014-03-26 18:15

KatrinaPhotophobia's picture

Thank you so much for taking your time to read it. I am very honored and happy that this poem gave you that feeling the way how I felt when I wrote it :)

Take Care! :)

author comment
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