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Before the fire ceases (Idle time workshop)

I am witness
to an inner war
between me and pseudo me
taking pendulous swings
in harmonic motion
holding me captive
caught in the crossfire
amidst mindful and mindless
thoughts, emotions, sentiments,
ducking excuses, guilt, misgivings;
looking within and without
in search of the naked truth
before I cease to fire
all about, who I am, and
am I what I am meant to be?

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content


Hi raj, I understand this poem to be about a soldier wondering whether he/she should go to war? Alas, so many lads are volunteering to go mainly because they can't get any other job. I saw a movie about this question the other day. Mostly, the young soldiers are terrified and many die a pointless death.
I may have understood your poem all wrong, so please let me know. I like your title. Your poem is also psychological or maybe meditation such as Budhism or Hinduism. Not sure. Best, Gracy

"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

read your perception of my poem...though it wasn't meant to be that way, i think it also works...

my poem is about the internal turmoil, particularly as one advances in age and looks back at his/her life, tying to figure out if the purpose in life...for which he/she is brought in this world though His grace is really served....

Let me know if this works well enough...

thanks for reading and sharing yo9ur perception....

have a nice weekend with your loved ones...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

well done my friend
you have captured the inner conflict we all have from time to time
I find this work to be flawless

good to see you back

Our chat room is not only there for Thursday afternoon chat 3:30-4:30
but it is there and ready for all to use at anytime of day come often and hook up in conversation to those across the globe

for stopping by and your comment..

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I liked this because it's a subject we all think about. You might want to look over the last three lines though. Their message comes through but the wording seems a bit awkward to me.....stan

Thanks for stopping by and your comment...I will think about your coment about last three lines...

Be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Your title is awesome Raj. A subject all too familiar
to us aging 'embers.' The end does feel a bit off as Stan
pointed out. I'd like to see you work your title in there. Just
a comment., not an order. :) Have I told you what a pleasure
it is to read you again?

Appreciate your time and welcome your positive critique. Will think about it during edit


raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

A nice little free verse I think. I understand what you are saying.
Last line ~ maybe drop 1 syllable, say:-

'am I what I am meant to be?'

Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan

for taking time to read and comment...i have accepted your suggestion already..

be well..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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