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Epitaph for a Brave Soldier

The morning battlefield lay still and grey,
Its silence broken grimly by the groans and screams
Of wounded, broken, bleeding, crippled men.

Then gently, slowly, through that desolate scene
Came an Angel all dressed in nurses' kit;
She wandered, lovely as a cloud, starched in white raiment,
Giving head unto the maimed and dying.

"Me, me" a legless soldier feebly called,
More in hope than serious expectation
As he knew he was not looking his best.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
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How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
Imagine A Moody Impressionist Picture of......Brave Soldier Boys Invading Foreign Lands Only To Have Their Bollocks Blown Right Off.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Edna. I feel your work, most of it that I have read, is for pure shock value. Although you do paint a very vivid picture for your reader, your verse leaves a bad taste in ones mouth. I find your style of vulgarity somewhat immature. I would like to see you try to write something without crudeness, hate, mention of sexual acts or demeaning to others. This poem, I feel, is a disserviceing, foul tribute to the brave men that do go to war. Especially those injured.
Sorry, but I have a hard time critiquing the work due to the message it carries.
Perhaps I am alone in my views. I am not trying to be mean or arguemenative. Just wondering if this truly is the vision you would like to be known for?
You did ask for opinions on content, style, yadda yadda yadda....

Thank you for your comment. I am afraid I have nothing but scorn for the retarded, violent idiots who join the armed forces. They deserve all they get. The only good soldier is a dead soldier.

You write " I would like to see you try to write something without crudeness, hate, mention of sexual acts or demeaning to others." Umm. I fail to see any hate or anything demeaning here. What IS demeaning and hateful is sending poor deluded men (and now, women too!) to their gory, painful and needless deaths on battlefields for nothing except chauvinist pride and profit for the arms manufacturers. Also I see nothing wrong about mentioning sex (after all, most of us do it quite regularly I believe).

I fear you are not au fait with satire or irony (or, even humour). And you are too ready to throw accusations of offensiveness, vulgarity and "crudeness" around. But do keep an eye open and I might just surprise you with my next posting.

One good thing, you write quite accurate English whch is all too rare nowadays.

Edna
Poetess to the Stars

author comment

point of view on the military, please read my poem: I Couldn't Help Myself, So I Helped You. There are people that do not ask that we stand by and let them be slaughtered. [I figure that your attitude is one that says; If that's what they want...] But, how about those who cannot defend themselves? How about those who can and do; when they are attacked? To not have a military is foolish, because there are some in this world that will attack those that they feel are vulnerable. Your thoughts?
~Geezer.
.

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I have no objection whatsoever to military and other forces assisting the public or the people of other nations at time of need. Indeed giving humanitarian assistance in times of (eg) flooding, earthquakes and other natural disasters is about the only useful function such forces can perform. However, what is the intention of holding huge nuclear arsenals? It's not to "defend" - ownership of just a handful of nuclear weapons is sufficient deterrent, as North Korea has shown. The US's immense expenditure on weaponry which (everyone assumes and hopes) will never be used is totally immoral and pointless (as is the UK's continuing investment in the Polaris missile system). And just look at the way rogue nations like Saudi, Israel, Syria etc etc use their military might to oppress their "enemies". Organisations like NATO do nothing for peace - they merely provoke a retaliatory building up of forces on the other side. No one but a total retard would imagine that Russia or its predecessor the Soviet Union ever wanted to attack Western Europe or the USA. What the SU wanted was a barrier of satellite states to protect it from the West.

Just imagine how much poverty could be averted if the major nations stopped playing schoolboy war games with people's lives, stopped enriching the world's armaments manufacturers and spent all that money on doing good instead of killing.
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Edna
Poetess to the Stars

author comment

that the monies spent on nuclear proliferation is a waste. However, the point I thought that you were making was that all those people that join the military are retarded, violent idiots, who are just looking for an excuse to kill someone and they get what they deserve! I wonder if maybe you would be speaking German or Italian, if there were no young men who wanted to do their part in making sure that your country as well as half or maybe all of Europe; didn't join the military and lose lives and limbs in doing what they thought was the right thing. Maybe they just should have said: " Fuck them, it's not my problem?"

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I see nothing wrong in speaking either language. The concept that, if Britain had lost WW2, I would be speaking any other language than English is ludicrous. The Germans invaded France, the Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Lithuania, Latvia, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, Norway, Greece and Yugoslavia. Nowhere did they attempt to enforce the German language on the people - even in the English-speaking Channel Islands which were occupied by the Germans. As for the Italians, they couldn't invade a potato field, let alone force anyone to speak Italian. I am puzzled as to the point you are attempting to make.

And may I point out that, in WW2, people didn't just "join up". They had no choice. Nor did the GIs who were sent over to Europe to be slaughtered en masse, mainly pointlessly because of the utter incompetence of their useless officers. And I include Eisenhower in that number.

In any case, this poem is a joke about the concept of an angel gobbling men on the battlefield, not a political statement.
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Edna
Poetess to the Stars

author comment

your particular brand of humor is probably the reason that you get so few comments. None the less, this is a site where you are permitted to engage in it. So feel free. ~ Geezer.
.

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...it might be the absence of a sense of humour in many people, might it not?

But thank you for your comment.
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Edna
Poetess to the Stars

author comment
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