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Epitaph for a Brave Soldier

The morning battlefield lay still and grey,
Its silence broken grimly by the groans and screams
Of wounded, broken, bleeding, crippled men.

Then gently, slowly, through that desolate scene
Came an Angel all dressed in nurses' kit;
She wandered, lovely as a cloud, starched in white raiment,
Giving head unto the maimed and dying.

"Me, me" a legless soldier feebly called,
More in hope than serious expectation
As he knew he was not looking his best.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
Imagine A Moody Impressionist Picture of......Brave Soldier Boys Invading Foreign Lands Only To Have Their Bollocks Blown Right Off.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Edna. I feel your work, most of it that I have read, is for pure shock value. Although you do paint a very vivid picture for your reader, your verse leaves a bad taste in ones mouth. I find your style of vulgarity somewhat immature. I would like to see you try to write something without crudeness, hate, mention of sexual acts or demeaning to others. This poem, I feel, is a disserviceing, foul tribute to the brave men that do go to war. Especially those injured.
Sorry, but I have a hard time critiquing the work due to the message it carries.
Perhaps I am alone in my views. I am not trying to be mean or arguemenative. Just wondering if this truly is the vision you would like to be known for?
You did ask for opinions on content, style, yadda yadda yadda....

Thank you for your comment. I am afraid I have nothing but scorn for the retarded, violent idiots who join the armed forces. They deserve all they get. The only good soldier is a dead soldier.

You write " I would like to see you try to write something without crudeness, hate, mention of sexual acts or demeaning to others." Umm. I fail to see any hate or anything demeaning here. What IS demeaning and hateful is sending poor deluded men (and now, women too!) to their gory, painful and needless deaths on battlefields for nothing except chauvinist pride and profit for the arms manufacturers. Also I see nothing wrong about mentioning sex (after all, most of us do it quite regularly I believe).

I fear you are not au fait with satire or irony (or, even humour). And you are too ready to throw accusations of offensiveness, vulgarity and "crudeness" around. But do keep an eye open and I might just surprise you with my next posting.

One good thing, you write quite accurate English whch is all too rare nowadays.

Edna
Poetess to the Stars

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