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The Pass o' Killiecrinkle

O how sanguine your author was,
That, after so many bitter heartbreaks
On the rocky road to Love
(sweet Nirvana shared with a special kindred soul),
This would be the "Big One",
The dawning of my joyous future,
A future to be enjoyed in togetherness
With the partner of my dreams
(the more lurid ones, that is).

I smiled in innocent anticipation
Of what might transpire
As I waited to meet my electronic beloved
That lovely Scots summer evening
In the bonnie Pass o' Killiecrinkle -
The selection of such an inconvenient,
(yet spectacularly gorgeous) spot,
Reflected what I had come to appreciate
Of my darling's romantic nature, thus boding well
For our first physical encounter.

Although we had not hitherto met
In the full flesh, so to speak,
I felt I knew my dear one well,
Having exchanged increasingly amorous emails
On an exclusive dating website
(http://brokenhearts-renewed-by-love.co.uk)
And the semi-draped digital photo
Made my heart go pit-a-pit-a-pat
And made my sporran twitch,
To put it mildly, dear reader.

And so I waited, eager as a rutting deer,
By the bridge o'er the Pass o' Killiecrinkle,
That warm evening last year
And the birds sang a gentle little song:
"Tweet-tweet-tweety-tweet"
They chirrupped, somewhat unoriginally,
And how my heart was gladdened
By their artless warbling, och aye,
But I knew not what tragedy lay
Just around the proverbial corner.

And then I saw my beloved coming down the path,
Limping gently (I recalled a brief mention
early on in our electronic correspondence
that one leg was slightly shorter than the other
thanks to an incident involving a rabid Rottweiler)
And, O dear Lord, what a magificent sight I beheld,
Truly a very tasty number indeed
(although at least ten inches shorter
than I had fondly imagined theretofore),
And I knew my prayers had been answered
(yet perhaps not one hundred percent ideally).

We embraced shyly as my dear one rested the lesser limb
On a conveniently sited large round stone,
As we stood by the bridge looking out o'er
The spectacular Pass o' Killiecrinkle,
With its tumbling burn in the mighty ravine far below,
And my adored one reached up on tippie-toe
So as to bring our lips within snogging distance
In order to seal our love, to plight our troth;
Och! How my poor wee heart pounded
Like a steam-hammer at full throttle.

But Fate, cruel Fate intervened brutally
As the two-inch surgical boot slipped on the aforesaid stone;
Causing a fall against the ill-maintained fence
Which inevitably snapped asunder
And my brightest angel toppled over into the terrible depths
Of the famous Pass o' Killiecrinkle,
Arms flailing like semaphore signals.
O, but I shall ne'er forget those doomed shrieks
As the beloved body bounced over the granite rocks,
Landing with a fatal plop in the rippling stream
As it ran urgently in the crannies at the bottom
Of the legendary Pass o' Killiecrinkle.

There's aye a silver lining to this tale
As the late lamented one's reticule lay on the path
And a quick perusal therein
Suggested I could go for a tasty supper
At the nearest hostelry and have plenty left over
To subscribe to a more explicit dating website
(perhaps one where only the physically perfect
would be allowed to register)
In the hope of better luck next time round;
But the memory of the horrid dying gurgles
In the icy waters of the babbling brook
Coursing through the Pass o' Killiecrinkle
Will live with me for all eternity
(well, a week or two at a rough guess anyway).

Style / type: 
Free verse
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Not Explicit Content
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