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The Happy Orphanage

Down at the orphanage it's celebration time
They're having a party, a real good time.
All the kiddies are frolicking gaily
As they get their cod liver oil daily
Queuing for the toilets to take their turn crapping
Listen to those metal doors all a-flapping.
They're as cheery as a snowman on the 1st of May,
As happy as a lonely bastard on Father's Day.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Oh my goodness, Edna! To think there are real orphanages like the one you so deftly describe in your poem. My mother gave us cod liver oil until some pills came on the market.
Your end rhymes are perfect, the content makes me want to cry and I have no nits. The last two verses say it all.
All the best, Gracy

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

the theme, your scansion stinks! In fact it's down-right shitty! LoL
But glad to see that you are still hanging out and writing. ~ Geez.
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xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

author comment

Hi, Edna,
Your poetry is addicting. You have such a unique style and you state so much. I agree - those last two lines are incredible, and are "pure Edna Sweetlove." Fitting title. Really like this one, even though it makes me sadly shudder.
Thank you,
L

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