Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Doing it right

I don’t understand decoration

When I ride a wave I ride for the tube,
Not three sixties

When I ski, I ski fast,
Through powder, bumps, trees or avalanche

If I designed a building it would be a cube,
Or hexagonal for maximum density

Is there a paradox here?
Not to me.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

but trees is the same as woods,

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Sounds very much like you, do you need that "S" on the end of avalanche as it sounds more crisp without it.
Seems that you won't take second place, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

well sspotted ssir

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

beauty, truth, simplicity, need no ornamentation...the vapid, ugly, and superficial hide in it. (can you blame them!)

your poem is an exemplar of this point, and particularly apropos of poetry.

Al

It's probably a good thing I'm not an architect though,
[grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

This is so You and 98 % of the men . I think women can take care :P

I thought in line one
I don’t understand decoration

might be "stand" instead of "understand" but both work.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

of a male/female divide over the subject of decoration. I remember, I think, criticising one of your poems for using ~~~ etc. And I certainly don't like centred verse.

Understand is the correct word. I can appreciate decoration when it doesn't interfere with the prime function of the object/work/piece etc.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.