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Alone
Alone
It often feels
like the hardest days
are the ones
that sneak up, unannounced.
As if trumpeting their intentions
could make them any better.
It seems
that on the most difficult days
the world is so very tone deaf,
on those days when more than anything
I need a listening ear.
Why do we treat each other the way we do?
Women are called names,
unborn children are called things,
fathers are absent
and people have no respect for themselves
or each other.
We've one great enemy,
who doesn't have to do a thing
because we're so busy
tearing each other's eyes out.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2012-03-24 04:27
...your poem moved me too.
I have just read about Fanny Crosby(1820) who, when she was little, had a quack Dr, put mustard on her eyes turning her blind, what fate. Your poem so well expresses the suppressed anger that she must have held, even if only for a moment, at her fate. Nevertheless she managed to write 8000 or more hymns-her best known is "Blessed Assurance." I am not religious, but this moved me, your poem moved me too.
Nordic cloud.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Sat, 2012-03-24 12:24
hi
Well stated rage against the society which sees itself as isolated collection of individuals..........stan
China Blue
Sat, 2012-03-24 19:55
Connect
so very deep but excellent questions put forth in your poem. Why is the key and has been asked over and over. You give the reader pause for thought and reflection on ones actions
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
loved
Sun, 2012-03-25 12:34
Smile girl and the world will smile with you
Smile girl and the world will smile with you
weep
and
you shall weep alone
that is
was
and
will
be a uniform norm
unchangeable
ever
loved
Candlewitch
Sun, 2012-03-25 15:56
hello,
excellent subject matter from your own personal spin! I really like it!
always, Cat
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