Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Vintage
I met a lady today -
a throwback,
an actual lady
who curtsied
and offered her hand
anticipating a gentlemanly kiss.
She wore handmade clothes;
I swear she must have attended finishing school.
I've never seen anything like it.
She walked in
like I'd watched in the old detective movies
the great black and whites
of the 1940s.
And I was taken back
so I didn't know how to respond
but to bow ever slightly in acknowledgment.
After all,
to kiss a lady's hand in 2018
would land me on the news
and be considered contemptible.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
swamp-witch
Thu, 2019-02-14 23:26
pfft
What a twist ending! A gentle handshake would have been quite all right, since she offered her hand.
I had a poem once related to the concept of kissing the hand. Had a dream I was the girl at prom in an antique suit, and the only girl who could ballroom dance. A boy asked me to dance and before he could kiss my hand, I woke up, so in the poem he kissed my hand and we had an historically-inspired prom while all the other people were bitter about not hearing modern music. LOL. I think I've lost it over the years with not having proper back-ups and computers being damaged, but it was a fun one to reread, once upon a time. Sometimes I find I can't look back at old art or pictures because it just...feels bad. Don't know why.
Anyway, that's enough blabbering about me. If I could make a suggestion, it would be to move the line "an actual lady" after "who curtsied". I imagine that you or the narrator doesn't fully make the connection that she's a real lady until you see this action that no one does anymore, so I think the line would make more sense as a realization after the curtsy. Does that make sense?
Hope you're well.
Kels
Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.