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Valentine Moment

Like a herd of cattle returning home
my thoughts trudge along
till my shadow dissipates into twilight
enveloping me in darkness
at peace with a tear drop silence
in the murmur of my heart
I listen to the echoes of your beats
playing along side mine
that day
when roses smiled upon us
and you blushed

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am so happy to know that this write made you blush like a teenager...may you never be short of blushes to brighten your mood and keep your love fresh is my Valentine wish for you and for all those who partake the essence of love in its most sublime form...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thank you for your appreciative comment...

Happy Valentines Day to you and your beloveds..

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

from first line to last ...fantastic

like a herd of cattle returning home
my thoughts trudge along ............i have metaphor envy!

i'm not a great fan of valentines day (bah humbug)
and not really "love" poems for that matter,
but that's only because the majority of love poems
are too soppy for my taste

but this, this is how i like my love poems

the expression of love that is not a blatant
in-you-face, hearts and flowers and sunshine
kind of expression ....but rather an expression of
a love that is found in the quiet moments...
when somthing as everyday as a look, a sound, a smell,
can bring to mind the thought, or the memory of love

love doesn't need a fanfare ...it just is

this is quite lovely in its understated-ness
it has a soft, gentle quality, that really suits the subject

more like this please

only crit i would offer, is to perhaps have
"in" instead of "into" in the fourth line

cheers
p

i truly feel very nice after reading your explicit commentary on this write...

the expression of love that is not a blatant
in-you-face, hearts and flowers and sunshine
kind of expression ...but rather an expression of
a love that is found in the quiet moments...
when somthing as everyday as a look, a sound, a smell,
can bring to mind the thought, or the memory of love

Pleaides this is spot on with the expression of love which i was trying to bring out in this write..

thank you for your lovely comment which is very inspiring...

cheers to you too...

p.s.: thanks for pointing out the error..i got "into" changed to "in" ....

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

it's all been said before me lol................scribbler

your time to visit this write in itself is always appreciated...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I DON'T QUALIFY AT ALL
TO COMMENT ON SUCH METPHORICAL POETRY
I ONCE ASKED
WHAT IS A META- FOR PHOR ?

AND HERE YOU HAVE GIVEN AN ANSWER

PHOR SHURE
BEING
Part of the herd
I can't shay much more
for phor
i write for
and i think i have written
a meta what ever....
for phor

loved

thank you Loved for your appreciation...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thanks to the whole valentine world

loved

Sweet, and romantic. I like the way you have meandered along in thoughts and moved into loves emotions.

Lovely poem

Thanks Raj

Love Mand xxxxx

why the thanks Mand..the pleasure is mine to share....

i should be thanking you for your appreciative comments...

Happy Velentines Day to You and Your Beloveds...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

"Like a herd of cattle returning home" is a great and titillating piece of imagery! I like the title, too. my favorite lines are:

I listen to the echoes of your beats
playing along side mine
that day
when roses smiled upon us
and you blushed

p.s.

I am fair skinned and blush a lot... it drives me CRAZY!!! lol.

love, Cat

Critique: I have no suggestions. (nicely done)

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

as always i am thankful for your kind words and appreciative comments ..coming from the likes of you they act like tonic and i thrive on it to bring about improvements...

may your blushes keep you cheered always...on Valentine's Day and Every Day...

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
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