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Passion(Splash Pool submission) re write
Mon, 2011-09-12 10:53
China Blue's picture
re write
Passion is the tides
Surge, ebb and flow
The roar of an approaching storm
The flame of desire's
Burning heat
A lion’s hunger
When on the prowl
To the ocean’s depth
It is felt
Lust never fulfilled
Love is a comfort zone
An unconditional giving
Where no boundary lines are drawn
A knowing without a whisper
A reading of the signs
Love always fulfilled
Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void
And yes it is true
The emotions live on
That she might love both
As if they were one
Style / type:
Free verse
Editing stage:
Workshop:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Mon, 2011-09-12 12:13
Dear Chrys,
I am in total agreement!
Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void
always, Cat
*
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raj
Mon, 2011-09-12 15:22
Dear Chrys
i liked the re-write ..because in the original write you had encountered a problem of distinguishing between love and lust and at the same time wondering why they can't be together...
however after reading this re-write i believe you are trying to equate passion and lust..is it?...i believe passion and lust differ even though the difference may be subtle ...
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Mon, 2011-09-12 16:51
Hmmm.....
Was expecting a more extreme change but like the way you changed to saying passion and lust can go hand in hand..........stan
lou
Mon, 2011-09-12 16:57
Hi
I d like to ask each participant, if they felt they gained a new insight into their poem, and if so why?
I have to agree with Stan , it is a subtle change, but it is effective.
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Mon, 2011-09-12 21:07
Hi
At least it achieved something.
Love lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
docmaverick
Sun, 2011-12-18 04:29
I must say....
...this flowed, oh! So well. It's late, as I am reading....and, I read your effort...aloud; and it flowed, and rolled off of the tongue ever so, effortlessly!
Truly, an enchanting read. Thanx.
Sincerely,
doc.
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