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Passion(Splash Pool submission) re write

Mon, 2011-09-12 10:53

China Blue's picture

re write

Passion is the tides
Surge, ebb and flow
The roar of an approaching storm
The flame of desire's
Burning heat

A lion’s hunger
When on the prowl
To the ocean’s depth
It is felt

Lust never fulfilled

Love is a comfort zone
An unconditional giving
Where no boundary lines are drawn
A knowing without a whisper
A reading of the signs

Love always fulfilled

Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void

And yes it is true
The emotions live on
That she might love both
As if they were one

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 

Comments

I am in total agreement!

Passion without love
Is empty
Love lacking passion
Leaves a void

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

i liked the re-write ..because in the original write you had encountered a problem of distinguishing between love and lust and at the same time wondering why they can't be together...

however after reading this re-write i believe you are trying to equate passion and lust..is it?...i believe passion and lust differ even though the difference may be subtle ...

raj (sublime_ocean)

Was expecting a more extreme change but like the way you changed to saying passion and lust can go hand in hand..........stan

I d like to ask each participant, if they felt they gained a new insight into their poem, and if so why?

I have to agree with Stan , it is a subtle change, but it is effective.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

At least it achieved something.

Love lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

...this flowed, oh! So well. It's late, as I am reading....and, I read your effort...aloud; and it flowed, and rolled off of the tongue ever so, effortlessly!
Truly, an enchanting read. Thanx.
Sincerely,
doc.

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