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The absence of you

Submitted by c lynn brooks on Sun, 2021-02-21 18:10

I need you
more than ever
more than words can tell

Was it not just a small time ago
we slept as lovers do
where are you now

Your hand upon a soapy wet body
you chuckled as the water splashed at you
oh the memories
they flood back in torrents

Now all that is left
the tears of heartbreak

You left with no word of good bye
I searched for ever
to no avail

You fell off the edge of the earth only to
return
as my nemesis
my albatross
my memory

Last few words:

memories can destroy

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Comments

Ray Whitaker

Sun, 2021-02-21 19:11

So strong

Such angst... so well portrayed.

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Hannah Moonlark

Sun, 2021-02-21 21:14

Hannah

sorry I missed you thank you for reading

Chrys

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author comment

c lynn brooks

Mon, 2021-02-22 16:07

Ray

Thank you so much for visiting and commenting yes it was all so bittersweet I do appreciate you stopping by

Chrys

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author comment

Teddy15

Mon, 2021-02-22 02:34

Dearest Chrys

just a small amout of changes to bring this to an even better level

I need you
more than ever
more than words can tell

Was it not just a small time ago
we slept as lovers do
where are you now?---question mark, make the question

Your hand upon a soapy wet body
you chuckled as the water splashed at you
oh the memories
they flood back in torrents

Now all that is left
the tears of heartbreak(are) instead of (the)
You left with no word of good bye
I searched forever—no space
to no avail

You fell off the edge of the earth only to
return
as my nemesis
my albatross
my memory.-full stop?

my dear Chrys, this brings much sadness, yet in your 3rd stanza you have managed to bring him back, with the memory of his laughter, which really is powerful, i myself can almost hear it, and also his fun personality. thats a kudos from me.

Thank you...Teddy

c lynn brooks

Mon, 2021-02-22 16:10

Teddy

Thank you ever so much I will re visit when feeling better and look at your suggestions more closly sadness yes mch sadness was wrapped up in this writing

Chrys

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author comment

Geezer

Mon, 2021-02-22 06:32

I am...

sure that there are those out there, that can identify with this piece and the strong emotions that you elicit. Teddy has given all the critique I would have. Nice job! ~ Geez.
.

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c lynn brooks

Mon, 2021-02-22 16:11

Gee

thank you I sent you a private message regarding this poem

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

author comment

Lavender

Mon, 2021-02-22 08:30