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Doomed

Stars strung like Christmas lights
across a midnight sky
Moon looking more like
a child's beach ball
lightening tears a jagged line
fabric torn
then thoughts bleed through
and tumble
to late
they have run amok
misbehaving children
gone wild
no self control
memories flood
doomed

Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Thank you kind sir

Chrys

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I love the Christmas tree lights opening line leading to the closing line "Doomed" creates a wicked journey

Thank you for the visit and comment

Chrys

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both Steve and & read your poem. he said that it starts out with a happy state of mind and over time spirals down in depression where it bottoms out. I agree. let us know if we are wrong. I also think that this poem needs to be fleshed out a little with more fact and detail.(to make it more clear) you are on to something, here. you have the base for a great poem!

*hugs, Steve and Cat

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"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

point is the memories are doomed to stay with and haunt me. No I wouldn't agree it starts out happy and ends depressed. How would you flesh it out, I thought it was complete as a complete thought

Chrys

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on rereading, I find out I am wrong about fleshing it out as it is all that it should be. the opening line makes me think happy thoughts, as Christmas/Yule, is a happy time in our household. the poem is great as it is, but tell me, should I worry?

love ya, Cat
-

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

The promise of the opening line that spirals into doom as the work progresses is pure genius I love how the lines draw you in with pretty images and by the end the other shoe drops along with my jaw and I am hooked

Thank you once again. One poem did all that

Chrys

check out our chat room open to all 24/7

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