Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Homemade Life
seeking
happier
pastures
green
flowing
sappy
with hope
and soft
supple
nights where
world weary dreams
no longer
stomp
and demand;
the spell, broken
the strive, forsaken
rips and tears on my life map
had exposed a failing cynicism
(the hard, hip, city bred kind);
cracked
crumbling
debased;
every residual fragment
now swept
swirling
into the great
anywhere-but-here
to once again
bathe in the bracing chill
of morning rain
draining
straight onto dirt;
embracing
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks
ummm!
I smell pie
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Roscoe Lane
Mon, 2014-11-24 08:02
Rips,
Rips and tears on my life map, had exposed a failing cynicism. The hard, hip, city bred kind. Love these three lines, the rest of the poem is very good but these three lines are exceptional in my eyes. Regards Roscoe...
Roscoe Llane,
Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.
brittle light
Thu, 2014-12-04 14:04
Roscoe
thanks for your thoughts
much welcomed
a late reply again...but , you know how I roll by now!
Al
alidzain
Wed, 2014-11-26 15:15
Hi there!
love the imagery in this one. Well done.
Alid
brittle light
Thu, 2014-12-04 14:08
hello Alid
thanks
I appreciate your thoughts
I believe this is the first time we have corresponded
I'm sure we'll be running into each other again
Al
brittle light
Thu, 2014-12-04 14:30
Another double post
Is it me...what happens... very strange
oh well. not the end of the world
Al
judyanne
Sat, 2014-11-29 09:18
i really like this Al
i have read it many times and like it ever more with each read
excellent differing word and line length usage
you have effectively described the different moods of your life
and as well as the lines Roscoe mentioned, which are very powerful, i simply love the finish -
to once again
(embrace)
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks''
nothing to suggest (sorry).. great write
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
brittle light
Thu, 2014-12-04 14:26
Hi, Judy
I'm still here...just late as usual
I sometimes feel my writing is too simple, even trivial...but then unexpected compliments.
I guess all stylistic levels can co-exist in this venue.... variety is a delectable spice!
thank you
Al