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Homemade Life

Submitted by brittle light on Mon, 2014-11-24 05:43

seeking
happier
pastures

green
flowing
sappy
with hope

and soft
supple
nights where
world weary dreams
no longer
stomp
and demand;
the spell, broken
the strive, forsaken

rips and tears on my life map
had exposed a failing cynicism
(the hard, hip, city bred kind);
cracked
crumbling
debased;
every residual fragment
now swept
swirling
into the great
anywhere-but-here

to once again
bathe in the bracing chill
of morning rain
draining
straight onto dirt;
embracing
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks

ummm!
I smell pie

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Roscoe Lane

Mon, 2014-11-24 08:02

Roscoe Lane's picture

Rips and tears on my life map, had exposed a failing cynicism. The hard, hip, city bred kind. Love these three lines, the rest of the poem is very good but these three lines are exceptional in my eyes. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

brittle light

Thu, 2014-12-04 14:04

brittle light's picture

thanks for your thoughts
much welcomed

a late reply again...but , you know how I roll by now!

Al

author comment

alidzain

Wed, 2014-11-26 15:15

alidzain's picture

love the imagery in this one. Well done.

Alid

brittle light

Thu, 2014-12-04 14:08

brittle light's picture

thanks
I appreciate your thoughts
I believe this is the first time we have corresponded
I'm sure we'll be running into each other again

Al

author comment

brittle light

Thu, 2014-12-04 14:30

brittle light's picture

Is it me...what happens... very strange
oh well. not the end of the world

Al

author comment

judyanne

Sat, 2014-11-29 09:18

judyanne's picture
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i have read it many times and like it ever more with each read

excellent differing word and line length usage
you have effectively described the different moods of your life

and as well as the lines Roscoe mentioned, which are very powerful, i simply love the finish -
to once again
(embrace)
the earthy enchantment of
mud puddles
gardens
and ducks''

nothing to suggest (sorry).. great write
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

brittle light

Thu, 2014-12-04 14:26

brittle light's picture

I'm still here...just late as usual

I sometimes feel my writing is too simple, even trivial...but then unexpected compliments.
I guess all stylistic levels can co-exist in this venue.... variety is a delectable spice!

thank you

Al

author comment
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