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Captive (cellar door workshop)

Submitted by brittle light on Wed, 2019-03-27 22:38

in brooding darkness
spoonfuls of lunar delight
induce swooning fools
to fanciful flight

wistful sighs
a twosome entwined
swelling fantasias
slowly arise

a whoosh of hope
has fanned rescue's flame
but the cellar door
slams all the same

so still

they remain

lost

in silence

the brooding darkness
recaptures
again

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing stage:

Editing - polished draft

Workshop:

Cellar Door

Comments

weirdelf

Sat, 2019-03-30 06:47

my reading

this workshop is all about what it sounds like

https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/captive-by-brittle-light

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Geezer

Sun, 2019-03-31 19:28

as though it is supposed to depict a captor that loves his captive and the captive loving back, but still not being released. That is what I got from it anyway. It has some little rough spots, but overall, it is very good. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

brittle light

Tue, 2019-04-02 09:59

your take is as valid as my

your take is as valid as my intention
that's poetry for you
we don't get to know the writers intention
we only get to read a piece and make of it what we will
whether written by a world renowned poet or something found scribbled on a napkin.

reading many of my poems is like driving 40 miles of bad road...rough and bumpy
one day, hopefully, the road will become a smooth ride

glad it had some good qualities (bumps aside)

thanks Gee,

author comment

Rula

Mon, 2019-04-01 10:09

I would

trim the last few lines so as to make
"slams all the same" the last line.
Just my thoughts. You know better of course.
Thank you for sharing!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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brittle light

Tue, 2019-04-02 09:36

Hi Rula

I like your idea
sometimes it takes another set of eyes/ears to notice a "flaw"
I guess why there are such things as editors!

you have good instincts...I can tell because I agree (lol)

author comment

Neopoet

Captive (cellar door workshop)