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Worthwhile (August Contest)

Remember me
When you go to bed
With thoughts of me
Running through your head
Think back to the day
When we were wed
So many things left unsaid
While looking back try to smile
Wasn't it all worthwhile
Wasn't it all worthwhile

The little girl
The little boy
Came in our lives
And brought us joy
That made us laugh
That made us smile
Then put me away
For a little while
It couldn't last
It's in the past
While looking back try to smile
Wasn't it all worthwhile
Wasn't it all worthwhile

Wedding vows were meant to be spoken
But wedding vows weren't meant to be broken
It must have been so hard on you
To live through what I had to do
But your new love
Has done you well
You're happy now I can tell
While looking back try to smile
It was worthwhile
It was worthwhile

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Editing stage: 
Contest: 

Comments

Coming to peace with past mistakes is hard and sometimes impossible. I think you might consider changing the last two lines to "It was worthwhile" to put a more positive spin if that is what you are trying to convey

Thank you so much for your comment. I loved it and I never thought of it . It's such a simple thing and yet it makes all the difference in the world. I will use your idea.

author comment

are here to help one another

Thank you very much!

author comment

you may like too review
the limitations of the AUGUST CONTEST
WHILE there still is time

I can relate to your words and feelings here. Well done!

~ Marthalyn

thank you Marthalyn for your great comment.

B9Pat

author comment

i love this. it is very pleasing to feel this rhythm. if you added the last two lines, i prefer it that way. it gives me a sense of satisfaction to know it was worthwhile after all. i think i might like to see "so many things were left unsaid, but i am a novice.

I'm glad you liked my poem. Thank you for your comment I will keep it in mind. It doesn't matter if you're a novice any constructive criticism is worthwhile. No pun intended lol.

B9Pat

author comment

on winning the monthly contest! It doesn't matter which end of a breakup you are on, it hurts! You have captured a bit of the pain, but also the feeling that it wasn't all bad, that there was the something that brought you together and the children who are a part of you both. The rhythm didn't come through until I read it aloud, but once I did, I found that it flowed well. Simple but effective poem. Nice! ~ Geezer.
.

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This poem is a little bit of truth and a little bit fiction. But it turned out well and we are both happier for it.
By the way I only have 1 child and the little boy is my nephew. Thanks for your comments.

B9Pat

author comment

A wonderful poem,
yes the last two lines make all the difference,
I use this many times in writes it makes the poem complete,
those subtle changes make it worthwhile.
Damn, now I have to pack a case to take second prize again another cruise !! lol
Well done,
Yours as always Ian ..x

PS:- My youngest children is 39 so I have a hard time remembering that far back lol

Words can build a nation

HI Ian! When I heard what the subtle changes were I couldn't get over how simple they were and yet they made all the difference in the world. Glad you liked it though. Next time you'll probably win again.It wouldn't surprise me.

My only child is 45 got ya beat there!

B9Pat

author comment

Pat you is beat, My first was born in 1965, then 68, then 71, then 1980.
But to talk about dates makes me feel older so we will say we just have kids lol.

Since I remarried in 2003 I have inherited a great grand daughter who turned 19 this year,
so I just have to give up.
I started writing when 15 and still have the originals here some place in an old exercise book,
Where ever I was, I would write short pieces for the people around me, but the poetry just stayed the same , but Neopoet showed me and taught me a lot about writing ..
Have to go it is food time ..
Take care and lovely to see you win, Yours Ian xx

Words can build a nation

One has to enter inner meaning start the process to believe;
Open your heart to transfigure the way paying homage to prayer;
Savor each piece you got hold of here yet in right gear...

Mario Vitale

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