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Dawn Of A Beautiful Day

Submitted by Patricia on Sun, 2019-09-15 20:16

Filled with antipathy
Ecstatic with frustration
No Compassion for the oppressed
Dictator of inhumanity
Ruler of the soul in despair
Completely insubordinate slave in servitude
Taught to love is to hate
To live is to suffer
To weep is to be weak
As I am weary with woe
Falling into a bottomless pit
A nonentity with nothing to cling to
Driven beyond the bounds of reality
Into a world of fantasy
Darker than black

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

scribbler

Mon, 2019-09-16 14:31

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It seems to me this poem has 2 parts. The first describes the reasons for the protagonist's despair and the second describes the results. If this is so then something like "
Being weary of woe
I fall into a bottomless pit
an entity without anchor
driven beyond reality
into the nightmare
of black.

Of course this is just a sample of what i mean and I'm and you can likely better pass along what you mean to convey

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