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Their Eyes (Primal Poetry Workshop)

The eyes of the world are upon us.
No lashes no brows
Just great big ugly eyeballs.

We share a table with
Cheese and crackers and a red wine.
Me with my yellow blonde curls,
You with your tiny hands.

We do nothing of value.
We just sit and stare
With the eyes of the world.

These eyeballs cry for luxury.
They make a mess around.
Give them what they want or leave.
The choice is yours.

What do they want?
To see the world destroyed,
By one little woman and one lonely child.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

I have not seen eyes in trance since I was near 8 years old, Pat.
A good description and a great first attempt.
Good job,

~Mark~

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Thank you for your kind words. It was a fun exercise

author comment

yes, you went to a special place, eh.

Time for stage 2.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Ya I guess I went to a special place. I fell in with the surrealists in this poem. Wanted it to be raw and rough draft nothing polished. Just what the painters would have done in my opinion. Thanks for the review it was greatly appreciated. It brought me a little deeper into the primal drumbeat.

B9Pat

author comment

Nicely said Pat, I heard some one defend Trumps boarder actions by saying that we are defending our national sovereignty. The retort was by chicken pox, drowning, trauma, imprisonment of children, abuse,kidnapping and death..
He said to the guy; do you even have a heart, and yeah that was the end of the discussion.
Its a good poem and an important commentary

The commentary was based mostly on some art history experience. I got my education in studio art.
About your commentary on Trump's boarder actions. I feel this has gone on too long and way too brutal
There has got to be a better way.

B9Pat

author comment

me too MFA SF art inst 1973 :)

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