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Why wait ...
I waited for you
all my life
like the darkness
is my day
you are my planet
I'm just a moon
I love you
as certainly
I'll never
love again
These dark things
I shelter in my mind
fearing to reveal
and to lose control
You've asked me why
and repeatedly
how I love you
and when I fell
My only answer ?
I waited for you
all my life
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Nordic cloud
Sat, 2013-02-09 06:17
Dear Jayne, I liked this
Dear Jayne, I liked this twist, speaking in the past when its in the future.
I liked the simplicity of the message, it flows down like a thought
and has a tip like that of a grass straw with a dew drop on the end.
The only thing that seemed slightly illogical was the planet,
and the moon, as the moon isn't that also a planet? But on looking in Wik,
I find it has not yet been promoted to that category, so my thought is
wrong. I mention it, because it interested me .
Love Ann.
You'd think we lived on the moon here, its all so white!!
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Serendipity
Sat, 2013-02-09 07:15
Pure whiteness it sounds
Pure whiteness it sounds beautiful
Very glad you liked this one its a new one
Hmmmmm maybe instead of planet I could have earth
What do you think ?
Thanks for the read and comment
Love and hugs Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
loved
Sat, 2013-02-09 09:09
perhaps I may intervene
The Moon is the only natural ....satellite ....of the Earth,[d][7] and the fifth largest satellite in the Solar System
and
did you perhaps imply
lose.???. ...................................to loose control
i thought ....maybe I ain't right
Satellites go around planets
only the Zodiac made an exception ...
7500 years ago.. man made error
earth being a planet..
loved
Serendipity
Sat, 2013-02-09 09:17
Thanks for the heads up ! I
Thanks for the heads up ! I fixed that up
I must have been blind lol
I am just a moon smile
Love Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
loved
Sat, 2013-02-09 09:58
gratious
thanks
you are better we see
tc
only happy folks and moon can smile
you are one such smiler
loved
Serendipity
Sat, 2013-02-09 23:02
I am no better no worse lol
I am no better no worse lol
Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Nordic cloud
Sun, 2013-02-10 02:27
Earth is a planet,
Earth is a planet,
but I'm your moon would be good perhaps?
Love to you in the heat, I send you some cool,
with love of course! Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Serendipity
Sun, 2013-02-10 03:23
Hmmm that would work I will
Hmmm that would work I will edit on my return
Love to you in the white Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
sueb
Sat, 2013-02-09 09:13
lovely x
lovely x
Serendipity
Sat, 2013-02-09 09:20
Thanks Sue glad you liked it
Thanks Sue glad you liked it
Hugs Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-02-10 03:04
Jayne
I would not change anything any more, as it is in its simplicity it says everything, grand write,
Yours as always Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
Serendipity
Sun, 2013-02-10 03:25
Ian
I'm very happy you liked this one its new
Much appreciate the read and comment
Love Jc xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Serendipity
Thu, 2013-03-28 02:52
Thanks for the suggestion I
Thanks for the suggestion I plan to edit my poems over the next week or two I like your idea I will correct it when I edit
thanks for the read and lovely comment its much appreciated
love and hugs JC xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)
Frenchf
Sun, 2013-02-10 13:19
Lovely images
and waiting all your life for someone
That is special especially since you revealed what you have been through
Serendipity
Thu, 2013-03-28 02:55
Its all special and its all
Its all special and its all beautiful even the mundane I have been to hell and back a couple of times but there is always someone worse off ... so i celebrate the simple things
thanks for the read and the comment
love JC xxx
("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)