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Unstuck
Let's get unstuck,
you and I
and change our routine.
Today
we can fix the things
that are broken.
Or at least we can start.
All it takes
I believe
are a few steps,
and a clearing of my mind.
And if the wind doesn't wake you
you won't be disturbed.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
hopeless_writer
Sun, 2018-07-08 11:32
hey concet
i really enjoy this poem makes me reflect on a few things in own life great work
Eumolpus
Sun, 2018-07-08 17:32
very cool poem
I really like the end. I do not fully "understand" it, I feel what it means. That makes it very good poetry to me!
And if the wind doesn't wake you
you won't be disturbed.
So many possibilities of meaning. Nicely done!
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
IRiz
Mon, 2018-07-09 08:32
Simple and seemingly
Simple and seemingly unpoetical content in each line comes together as a poem. I like it and not sure where is the trick. Perhaps in the umbiguity of the last lines? The image of an unconscient or dead partner scares and confuses me. Great poem.
IRiz