Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Unconditional Love
Sometimes words of wisdom come too late.
Each one of us learns the secret of sharing,
with the patience given through trial and error,
honest and sincere efforts and caring,
open the doors to a deep and meaningful relationship.
Sacrifice of self and unconditional love
provides a basis for real love.
The depth of human love exceeds all emotions and
opens the door to personal growth.
Some find the secret early and benefit,
others search their whole lives and never reach that pinnacle.
Lost in self-absorbed love never capturing the pleasure
and escaping the earthly bounds that unconditional
love and caring achieve.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Fri, 2016-09-30 20:17
This contains some fine sentiments,
though it lacks prosodic (the science or study of poetic meters and versification) quaIities.
See what happens if I reformat it into paragraph form?-
Sometimes words of wisdom come too late. Each one of us learns the secret of sharing, with the patience given through trial and error, honest and sincere efforts and caring, open the doors to a deep and meaningful relationship.
Sacrifice of self and unconditional love provides a basis for real love. The depth of human love exceeds all emotions and opens the door to personal growth.
Some find the secret early and benefit, others search their whole lives and never reach that pinnacle. Lost in self-absorbed love never capturing the pleasure and escaping the earthly bounds that unconditional love and caring achieve.
"Sacrifice of self and unconditional love" a sacrifice? One could juxtapose it with "Altruism is the highest form of self serving behaviour". Perhaps I'm being a bit facetious.
Perhaps some poetic devices might help, some meter, a tad of repetition, I would stop short of rhyme.
Don't get me wrong, this is a strong piece and I like it.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry