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Unity
What is the genius of human kind?
Is it the magic captured in the folds of the mind?
The unique capacity for original thought.
Endless constructs exist that challenge what we are taught.
Leaving us unsure grasping for clarity,
aware that we unsure of our reality.
Questioning the source of our mortality.
Drawing us in closer persistence and recognition
that we are linked by compassion and empathy.
Bound in spirit and love together.
Prepared to escape wherever we gather
one spirit, one power, one soul combined.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I have tried to use rhyme and better economy in my selection of prose.
Editing stage:
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Comments
jane210660
Wed, 2016-09-28 13:24
Hi
Hi
I love the theme of this poem and enjoyed it very much.
IMHO the flow is a little awkward.
I would take out captured on line two and exists on line four and then have challenging what we are taught.
I would put a comma after unsure on line five and rejig line six so you didn't repeat unsure.
Think the first two lines in the last verse are a bit awkward and I would add a last line - something along the lines of - that is the strength of human kind.
Just my thoughts, a great piece of work. Jx
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