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Troubled ways

There in the silence I found rest
Here in the turmoil of life I see love
Listen to the leaves turning brown
Hear the dawn chorus stilled by season

Reflections of being in a space of peace
Give me the rushing waters of mind
Tell me of those disruptive times
Where stability was out of kilter

Send me the values of disruptive thought
Talk with me of shattered dreams
Hear me when I whisper that all is well
Give me space to join in your hell

Let me sink into your secret ways
I will show you things of other days
We can sort all ills that furrow our brows
Making us less human somehow

Anger has to be released into nothingness
Hate has to be bundled without reason.
All unsafe things have to be let go
Shall we walk together another pathway?

I shall reach out and take your hand.
This is new to us another sacred land.
Feel the start of all things anew.
Let us spend time, you with me,

Me with you.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Just a jotting for today
Editing stage: 

Comments

For just jotting...
I need to do some of that! You never cease to amaze me, my favorite bird. I see that you have been taking instruction from the 'Children' again. Their voices echo throughout your work and I am dazzled.
There are loves and there are LOVES! Your love has take life of it's own and flown high. Thank you for sharing your thoughts at a time when there is too much ugliness in the world. You made the end of my day feel good. ~ Gee.
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Thank you my friend for your lovely words, this was a jotting but to send to someone that is having a rough time being able to cope with things.
There but for fortune go I, and as you say the Children really help in talking to others if there is a need to use their purity.
I hope you all are well out there, we have some very good friends who live in Jay Florida and they have just missed that terrible storm.
The world is changing and as it shrinks physically there are bound to be many earth movements and the crap we put into the Oceans and air it is a wonder that we are still around.
As you know the most destructive force in nature is MAN, but can we keep saying we will fix it tomorrow anyway that's another write to think about lol.
You take care of your folks out there and it is really great to be able to connect with so many people.
I am playing Scrabble with Khalid in Singapore, another in USA, and talking to people from all continents except Antarctica, must rectify that lol
Go well will ask the children to write for you out there one day, Yours as always Ian and the Children..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

The last line was absolutely loveable … a sweet shock that tied the write together
I want to feel that about the entire content though. In my opinion the write calls out for more dramatic language, or more power beauty and in some places a paring down
EX:
in silence I found rest
my life a black moon lulled
EX
'Let me sink into your secret ways"
sloping downward I permeate your veil
,.....
in poetry words are not just literalism's foe a narrative They are textural colors that may generate great feeling

Putting lines together

"my life a black moon lulled
sloping downward I permeate your veil"
,.....

In other words aspire to more powerful imagery or metaphors. Paint with language instead of being so literal

Thank you for your very good comment and the illustration of words to thought then back to words. There they will be modified.
This was addressed to someone that was having a rough time, and as you can guess they are quite intelligent, but even so they have been in hell.
I shall have to write of our walk together, from the hells of an asylum, being there with children, there are many things that touch the sanity of the strongest of us all, then becoming lost in the misery of it all.
I have been blessed in that my life has been full of love, just a few hitches, first Marriage of 35 years then a few problems and like a river reaching for the Ocean that final freedom of being new again..
Still we can only stick to poetry, and as you may understand I had to be careful and hold back on the words..
I hope your absence is now over, when Time permits I will read your works take care and thanks again for your visit I shall reassess the write now I have posted it as a poem.. Yours Ian ..

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

HI. feelin you and the crucifix of the world soul as it permeates us all
May things sweeten for you sweet sparrow !!!

Wonder what size that is LOL sorry it just struck me ouch ! Thank you for your words I am fine and have had a lovely life.
Now I have so much to write, fiction, and non fiction, there stretching out behind me is 76 years, plus or minus a couple, usually minus as my memory only goes back to 6-6-1942 before that nothing but since a grand tour of many things and the meeting and love of many people.
We will talk one day of the loves but that is sacred lol.
Great to have you back, though just keep writing, Yours, Ian T

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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