Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Quiet Thunder (Primal thoughts)

It was a time of joy
At rest there me as a boy
Then the colours came.
Gentle shades to put me at ease.

I did not understand
Here I was in another land
Not physical, but that of the mind
I felt sick, then fear stole the day.

I was too young to be treated this way
The colours subsided into the norm
I heard voices so very far away
Yet when looking, they were inside.

I could not hide, yet told them to leave,
I saw their departing waves
The muted sound and pastel shades
Past pictures thrown of early days

A small voice that seemed to echo inside
Came gently to caress my mind
We will leave you now, later we will return
I soon forgot the youth’s fears.

Years came and left, as they always do
There I found one such as you
You talked freely of the other side
It threw the door open wide.

I was taught how to use your energy
Also how I could call and talk to you.
Many friends came, that had seen my years
I felt at ease, then I shed many tears.

Where best to lay my head in these days.
It took some learning now I am never alone.
Physical bodies bearing all their ills
Yet I cross to the hear all your inside ways

Now I am happy not fearing the old days.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
An insight to the passing years..
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

you would slide into this like a fish into water. You are well travelled in other worlds, eh?

Great work.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Many thanks for your visit, my cave is always open,
Yours Ian

Words can build a nation

that there is still some mentation happening here. The more often you do the drumming meditation the easier it becomes to 'let go' of thinking and ideas and just describe what you see on your 'eyelid movies', ok?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Do you really want me to go that deep, it is next door to trance, and Anne is the one for that, I just enjoy the children, and being able to read things others cannot see.
A few times I have joined the children doing their tasks, it is a fascinating thing they do, but I have told you many times.
I suppose the next stage to this poem is to let go as I can then edit the outcome to be enough for our workshop.
I have read many books not the ones you read but ones of myths and beliefs in other spiritual ways.
I will see if I can write the next stage and evolve the poetry around this subject..
Take care young traveller and know that our paths are near the same, just a parallel tract where we can be as one thought when needed,
Yours as always,
my Bru, yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Strangely it is the ones most experienced in otherworldy travels who have the greatest difficulty in letting go of preconceptions and allowing the mind to take its own course.

Let go, brother/father/son,

"let it go, let it out
let it all unravel
let it free
and it can be
a path on which to travel."
Michael Leunig

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Many thanks for your visit, as with the beat of the drums the voices that wear your words deep into your world are good.
Each of us holds the ability to wander with the Spirit, it is such a lovely place as we touch those there.
One day young traveller, we will meet in a haze of colour and soft words, not spoken just known.
We can drift away where there is no time, and teach each other of our being, and all the things we learned here on this Plain.
I think that our journey has been lovely for learning outside of our day to day think.
As there is no time there and that is reflected in our thoughts we have walked together many times..
Take care my young Brother, and know that we will drift toward eternity, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

you think you know, there is a certain arrogance in it.
If you allow it I am offering you an entirely different place, one you have not been to before, I am sure of this.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.