Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

A Leaf, A Journey

I laughed in the summer sun
I twirled and danced had fun
There on this high place I knew of life
This was me great fun no strife

Then chill winds did blow
My life source started fading away
Colours were changed each day
Green to gold it was the way

Secrets not told to me
How my life force failed
I would fall and be so alone
This is all you need as one

My life source did let me go
I felt so free then I started to flow
Down from the heavens you see
To touch the earth more to be

Why was this life so cruel to me?
A summer on high now this destiny
Laying here is this eternity
No I was told by my Mother tree

So day on day I let things go
To the Earth each part just so
There to change once more
Particles through forest floor

I became a food source
That my Mother held
She took me set me free
A bud on a beautiful tree

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A piece on continuity
Editing stage: 

Comments

of life. From bud to leaf, to fallen feed of the forest! Elegant and charming look at the continuity of life.
~Gee.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Thanks for your visit and I am pleased that you liked this write,
Take care out there and know you are thought of, Yours, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

you and I
are now like two
yellow leaves

lying lonely STREWN
as once were twins
in GARDEN OF ADEN
not E

do u agree

Many thanks for your visit but Aden is only what we make of it even the desert has a beauty to behold and write of, As to laying around turning yellow not a chance Summer is coming lol
Yours as always Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

now @72
he was like a leaf yellow below
You talk of the brighter side of life
Ian
as if you were @16
still lying low
below
let all behold
@77
you have solid gold
lol----INKON

You are but young, but my spirit hovers around 36 always, and it will stay there lol. A pure love of a life that was always out of reach keeps you young lol Take care and good to see you, Yours Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Yep everything recycles which kinda makes me wonder why so many people seek coffins which will almost never decay.I like your poem but wonder why you chose to go with such varied rhyme patterns....stan

If I was a true poet I would write with few errors, but as the words flow so I write, only the great Elf has held my sway to write poetry the correct way. lol You take care and rest a while as your walks among the aspens will be with us soon, Yours as always Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

then why the isolated ? mark
Ian

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.