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Such Peace Descending On The River (villanelle)

Such peace descending on the river
in snowflakes hissing quiet on stillness,
fills the world with quiet solitude

of thick white snow upon the pathways
layered on sleeping trees now leafless,
such peace descending on the river

where no feet touch the icy softness
turning all away as cold emptiness
fills the world with quiet solitude,

and sacred silences are frozen provinces
where burdened souls find rest and bless
such peace descending on the river,

and life itself sleeps quietly in ways
left void when vanished crowded loudness
fills the world with quiet solitude.

This is the time to tread the walkways
by the water, when with deserted breathlessness
such peace descending on the river
fills the world with quiet solitude.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
The villanelle is a highly structured form of poetry, constrained by both refrain and rhyme. 5 tercets and one quatrain, The first and third lines of the first tercet are the refrain, the two lines alternated as the last line of each subsequent tercet, and both together as the last two lines of the quatrain. Rhyming scheme is as follows: A1 b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 / a b A2 / a b A1 A2
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I gotta say that I am not sure about the correct form for a Villanelle. Even so…. The imagery is so good!

“and sacred silences are frozen provinces”. What a phrase, what a picture came forth in my mind. So many others in this piece as well.

Bravo!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I think I'm getting back into the swing of things.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

This one reminded me of some long-ago things from my childhood.
One winter, a friend and I ventured out on the river that runs through
the Mohawk Valley: it had been very cold for a month, and we were confident of the ice.
We walked in silence because it was so very cold, and the wind hurt your face and lungs.
We saw very little signs of life and didn't hear any birds.
This brought back those memories. I am impressed with the skill of your work
and I love the theme. Thank you for bringing back a scene from sixty years ago
with such clarity! I see nothing to change. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

It's always good to know when someone who knows poetry can be taken back in time by one of my efforts. That's the real reason for poetry, imho.
The wind hurts you face and lungs.
Damn, I should have thought of that!
Thanks again!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I read some Villanelle differently four liners most ly with set repetition of the cemented lines
but this was enjoyable equally knowing fewer nuances of archaic style of poetry Now you have aged like Shakespeare try and create your own kinda poetry I see you do read me sparingly

I have just recently returned, and had some things to attend to. But believe me, you are on my list of members to read.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

i dislike those who want to deflate one soon
knowing that you read me
is a great boon
tonight I will alight on the moon

see me there soon
bring roses red
wine red
and balloons
red
glad you have many of my verses now read not marked RED Thankx

"fills the world with quiet solitude" this line is the heart and soul of the entire piece. with your words that tell a story, I am immersed in my own childhood. It was the "Rum River" in Anoka Minnesota. of course, we also had the great Mississippi, but I preferred the Rum River in winter. thanks for the return of memories of my childhood.

your poem sooths me from my jangled morning. this is a beautiful write and I can see it in my minds eye. thees are my favorite lines:

and sacred silences are frozen provinces
where burdened souls find rest and bless
such peace descending on the river,

*hugs, Cat

*

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I am so glad that I could elicit in you such memories and feelings. It means I got it right!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I really enjoyed your poem. It had such depth and imagery. Thanks for sharing.

Love and light. Namaste.

Depth and imagery are what I strive for. I am glad that you enjoyed my effort so much!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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