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Light of Dawn

Standing in the Sacred Light
transforms our lives with joyous understanding
where darkness has no place or form,

For in the growing warmth just after dawn
how can there be a doubt or apprehension
Standing in the Sacred Light

where consequence and sin are drawn
from doubtful soul by the redemption
where darkness has no place or form

To strip us of the hallowed cleansing morn
given us by truth of Love’s ascension
Standing in the Sacred Light

as our tired lives in peace transform
through joy of our creator’s intention
where darkness has no place or form.

We often suffer the ignorance of others’ scorn
for they know not the purity of comprehension
standing in the Sacred Light
where darkness has no place or form.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

the first Easter poem of the season!
Nice job! It knew the intent right away.
Your title is spot on, and the language use is very good.
I enjoyed the almost sing-song rhythm and it added to the
ethereal charm. Very good! ~ Geez.
.

Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

I know what you mean about the sing-song quality. Villanelles tend to bring that out.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I love how you alternated the last line of each section. very classy to be sure. it is nice to see you posting poems again.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

That alternating last line is what makes the villanelle unique, imo. It leds a poem focus and structure, and a certain harmony.
Glad that you enjoyed it.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Very interesting piece. Well understandable. Good to see you again Race.

"Poetry is invariably imbued with a sense of calm and serenity".

~Jackweb

It's good to be back. Glad you enjoyed it.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

where darkness has no place or form.

just so beautiful a form
now darkness has gone

:)
Exactly.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

i really like this sort of poetry, like the three line stanzas, like the content and the way you presented it.

Only one suggestion: make the last stanza a three liner.

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Glad you enjoyed this.
I cannot make the last verse a 3-liner, because the rules require that it be a quatrain.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I am learning about forms every day. Just curious here, so was wondering about your form used.
Regards, Ray

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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I sure can. Here's a link to a page that explains the villanelle:
https://poets.org/glossary/villanelle

The villanelle is basically a poem of five three-line tercets and a quatrain at the end.
The first and third lines of the first verse are the refrain. These lines alternate as the last line of the subsequent four verses, and then are used as the last two lines of the final verse, the quatrain. In each verse, there are alternating lines that must rhyme, as well.
Its a highly structured form of poetry that I have come to like very much. It forces me to think rhyme, refrain, and structure, all packed into a relatively small poem, all at once.
You should give it a try, its fun, challenging, and the results can be awesome.
Hope this helps!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

you taking the time to discuss form!

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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As I read it I knew it was a certain form but didn't know which it is. The message is correct in its premise for WHO can stand in the forest as the sun rises and Not believe?

Thanks Stan.
If you may recall, it was you who released the beast of the villanelle from my poor tired soul!
Three different forms of poem on the same subject, greed, way back in 2010...

https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/greed-three-different-forms
Thanks again, brother.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
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