Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

An Audience Of One

Submitted by Race_9togo on Thu, 2023-09-21 19:02

It occurred to me
as I came across another
interminable entertainment slaughter
unfolding on my so-called smart TV

That the carefully crafted
blood and pain and fear I saw
was the same identical engulfing maw

of hatred murder rape and torture
that fills almost every media item
in our despairing poisoned broken land.

How much violence do they want
to pollute our daily lives with,
How much horror is enough
to sate the brutality of profit?

How much more innocence do I have to see
butchered by another empty thing
born human, but now just gleeful monster
filled with pleasure and satisfaction
at another’s painful, brutal death?

And as an afterthought,
some punctuation ending the trail
of screaming human wreckage
is an occasional thing called ‘justice’,
placed as if it solves all problems,
makes carnage worth the agony
of watching others beaten, burned, shot and stabbed to death...

Fuck it.
As the lines between reality and
entertainment further blur,
I think I’ll just stop fucking watching.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Its been awhile...again. Too sick of body and mind to even put pen to paper, until now.
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Fri, 2023-09-22 01:02

neopoet's picture
Volunteer badge

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "An Audience Of One" presents a strong critique of the violence and brutality prevalent in modern media and its impact on society. The use of strong, visceral language effectively conveys the speaker's disgust and frustration.

However, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its theme. The speaker's perspective is clear, but the poem does not delve into the reasons behind the prevalence of violence in media or its potential effects on viewers beyond the speaker's personal disgust.

The poem also uses a lot of abstract language to describe the violence in media, such as "engulfing maw" and "screaming human wreckage". While these phrases are evocative, they could be more effective if they were grounded in specific, concrete imagery. This would make the violence more tangible to the reader and strengthen the poem's critique.

The poem's ending is abrupt and could be developed further. The speaker's decision to stop watching is a powerful statement, but it could be more impactful if it was built up to more gradually and if the poem explored the implications of this decision in more depth.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure and rhythm. The poem mostly uses long, complex sentences, which can make it feel monotonous. Introducing more variation in sentence length and structure could make the poem more engaging and dynamic.

Overall, the poem presents a compelling critique of violence in media, but could be strengthened by a more nuanced exploration of its theme, more concrete imagery, a more developed ending, and more varied sentence structure and rhythm.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Race_9togo

Fri, 2023-09-22 17:35

Race_9togo's picture
Volunteer badge

start critiquing human poetry?
I feel sick.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Triskelion

Fri, 2023-09-22 01:28

Triskelion's picture
Volunteer badge

...the ai missed the biggest point in this (rant). It looks like frustration spurred a response not genuinely welcomed. Driving home tonight, I was pondering a like thought, so this inspired my comment. I don't see any point in making any critique. The message came through loud and clear to me anyway.

Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Race_9togo

Fri, 2023-09-22 17:34

Race_9togo's picture
Volunteer badge

I despise AIs that try to approximate human beings, with a visceral nauseous dislike that makes my guts squirm. So you can imagine my surprise when I found one lurking on Neopoet, after being away again for awhile.

The lines between violent entertainment and real violence have blurred to the point where its hard to tell one from another.
It really did miss the point, too. Only to be expected, from a machine.
And you're right, its complete, utter frustration on my part. As if our society isn't violent enough, filled with hatred and murder, we now have to put up with it as a form of entertainment as well.

Well, not this two-legged rat. TV off.

Glad the message came through.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Triskelion

Sat, 2023-09-23 13:29

Triskelion's picture
Volunteer badge

...to the man behind the curtain! Lol...as much as I'd like to argue the concept of ai, I don't think it warrants the attention, although there are millions of people who should feel threatened by it. You are not one of them.

Cheers!
Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

Race_9togo

Sat, 2023-09-30 21:03

Race_9togo's picture
Volunteer badge

I suppose you are right. I do see some people writing Dylan-esque poetry that the AI obviously cannot handle.
But I don't like AI for another reason. It serves, in this milieu, to further isolate and perhaps even ostracize actual human beings...not a good thing, for a poetry site.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.