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To share and impart

The best teachers are those that show you where to look
but don't tell you what to see.
The best students are those who don't look at your finger
when you point at the moon.

What kind of teacher I would be
would not show the moon too soon
and not allow my finger to linger
or clench into a fist of despair
to swing futilely at empty air
where I think your head should be
it having already outpaced me,
so now we are both free.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

its like fencing poem...
like magic....more effort and you learn more
by the challenge of figuring out the
trick of things...

and i like the use of moon
and pointing at it..
native lore one was not supposed to point
at the moon..

but i like how you describe those who look
not at the finger but at the destiny of it...

This poem is superb. Esker has already commented on this one and I support what he has said.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

yes, it's superb I also agree with Esker and raj ;)

Emina
Maybe it's better to stay completely within
as fire hides in metal
as water hides in rock.
Rumi

I have been considering my role as a mentor on this site, and how much I learn from those i
mentor

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I think this is great. I'm currently enrolled in class called "Ways of Teaching Literature" and I think my classmates would really appreciate this poem.

Even though I have a lot of suggestions for the second stanza, I do think the second stanza is much stronger than the first. I see the first stanza as setting the stage the for the second, so it makes sense that it's on a different level than the second stanza. Also, Is the first stanza supposed to be reminiscent of old adages?

Here are a few thoughts I had on my second read:

  • Maybe transpose "The best students are those who when you point at the moon/ don't look at your finger." so that it reads "... those who don't look at your finger when you point..."
  • There is some kind of rhyme throughout the entire second stanza, except for line one. Maybe making this more consistent would improve the pace of the poem
  • The tense of the second stanza seems to detract from the meaning. It seems too indirect. What do you think of these changes?

The kind of teacher I want to be
does on not show the moon too soon
and does not allow my finger to linger
or clench into a fist of despair
that swings at empty air
where I think your head should be
you have doubtless outpaced me.

Critique, don't comment.
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www.lettereddandy.xyz

Yes, the difference between the two stanzas is a deliberate switch from old adages to a more personal view. If the disparity is too great, well, I kinda like it.

Love the suggestions, tried some variations of them. Didn't manage to lose the repeated 'be' rhyme.

A new, I think improved, ending.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

The ending is much better; the "be" doesn't make a difference now. :)

Critique, don't comment.
Community guidelines: https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.lettereddandy.xyz

On the pointing finger,
I shall not linger
Or the pointing at the moon
The teacher or preacher
Here doesn't figure
Maybe I speak too bloody soon
Oh F--- I did duck
The fist flew over my head
To teach on reflection
Without an inflection
Is for someone else instead..
I shall retreat to my cave
Just pop in I have saved
A cup of tea for you
I shall put some sugar in.
A stirring I have been.
In words away I flew.
Now can't end this verse
Put money in my purse
I shall leave it for you to do.

Good philosophy there young dreamer, great to read some of your Wisdom again, Yours Sparrow.
PS:- Having problems with rhymes and things

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Except perhaps, ta mate. I think.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I painted a picture once and asked my friend to look at it. He asked "what is it?" to which I replied, "what do you see?"
The fool, as if he hadn't any eyes, claimed he didn't know! I also thought to slap the back of his head. (In his defense, I'm no Dali)

It seems sometimes that we are taught to know instead of to learn.
Enjoyed this little lesson!

logic

Raffy

It must be admitted though that imagination varies, someone that can only see nimbus and cumulus, and finds poetry utterly inscrutable, may well be transported to other realms by music.

And then again, some do seem to have no imagination at all, or brains.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

If in ten, one sees the moon then you are a good teacher, if two or more see it then you are a great teacher. if all ten see the moon then there all more than likely on drugs.
I love the old Bruce Lee"s words "if you look at the finger you will miss all the heavenly glory"
"The best students are those who when you point at the moon
don't look at your finger."
You are a great teacher, in a mad crazy way, but that is just who you are and it is what makes me receptive to you.

Eddie C.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

and Monty Pythons
and Zen
and being an erudite cranky old fart
and above all a few great teachers I've had.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

May I post it on Instagram?

IRiz

I am honoured.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I have prepared a post on a background and placed it in the folder for prevviews.

IRiz

I love the way the image captures me sense of humour as well.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am happy to know you like it.
The neopoet account was not active for awhile. It will take time to gain attention.
My FB started to pick up yersterday I have added 300 people requests. Today I have 900 requests. Haha. But the max is only 5k on Facebook.

IRiz

he who would learn first teach".......wish I'd said that

ta
mate

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I read this on the proposed poems for Instargram folder created by IRiz...this is so very meaningful and true...
............................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

yeah, she's good, eh.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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