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satyr in sepulchers non odious

Submitted by emeka ozurumba on Fri, 2014-05-23 04:33

serenade saffron
dazzle damp darkness
duct in concentrated concession
braiding on sea-mollusc shore wise
the dawn dreams with seance
by groove that ply breath tendril
tender dew fresh easiness oiled
sebaceous soft sweating
youthful glands baptizing flowers
synthetic to foretaste chill oceans
lit green gulls morn Mediterranean
not mourn ignition timorous
of potent heartbeats death-row
convent flag twine shifting impulse
from barometer of illusions elasticity
like when clouds thresh hold
i find that this to fate delirious
is faithless ultra hurricane sky dancing
yet air leans, glittering of kind; motion
shimmering of its creature elude militia

crescent crescendo
comrades of falling mercenaries
clergy piano corn fields symphony
untimely maturation calls reproach ultimately
wall click in hesitant backwardness
for a dream quizzical at its newness
palm pleasantries, droplet winged
char sun lips unto the sapling rose
lash tears, lavender but cheers diffused
soaked and descended tension; sequins teem
pure shrine of morning bud digested
first on roads, wet to him
but by the noon sear
and the moon if him seer
after sunset claret
of protean blues

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Fri, 2014-06-13 04:43

Ian.T's picture
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Your piece seemed to be a lot of very good lines but there was no flow from them and the story was mixed and didn't seem to reflect what the title was, I have looked up Satyr and then your word Sepulchres, then if your story was about Hades I would have said fine but there seems to be a drift from the words meanings, a great thought for a theme though..
.
Greek mythology,
"A Satyr" is one of a troop of male companions of Pan and Dionysus with goat-like (caprine) features, including a goat-tail, goat-like ears, and sometimes a goat-like phallus.
In Roman Mythology there is a similar concept with goat-like features, the faun being half-man, half-goat.
The other word was for a burial chamber so unless it was a piece on the underworld then something is wrong ????
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

emeka ozurumba

Wed, 2014-06-18 03:57

emeka ozurumba's picture

very good Ian you read this, this poem is about the morning, satyr in the poem is a creature elude militia of the dawns disappearing progression from dawn, to sunrise, then the poem ends at sunset

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