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The Repugnant Underbelly's Malicious Persona

"At least he's a Republican,"
my friends assured me, as if the
ever present encouragement,
rumbling though hints of evil and
inconsistent morality,
could silence my misgivings or
assuage the terror in my soul.

Night, like a raven's somber wings,
falls on my distracted country
and stokes the hatred and fear that
schisms through society and
circulates a legacy of
infidelity to ideals,
such beloved and cherished ideals,
mired now in hypocrisy.

Melancholy brings chagrined
anger boiling in my throat like
rage constructed of broken glass
clawing from my overburdened
heart and spewing throughout my life,
encasing it in a distraught
sleet of despair and hopelessness.

Fury, dull and seething, fills the
oratory of the candidates,
reaching forever lower to
wrest new levels of wretchedness
and be the first to destroy the
Republic with a foul brew of
deception and belladonna.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is an example of an Acrostic for the March, 2016 contest. It is an example only and will not be eligible for the $25 Amazon.com prize.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thoroughly enjoyed it !!! Might even enter the comp .. I do love a good acrostic poem, give me something to focus on other than broken kidneys and a broken foot lol

Now to the topic, I'm not american but I think your on the mark so tightly nothings hanging off .. I think this should be posted elsewhere not just here if you get my drift

your message is a universal one from my observations

love to you both Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Btw that last line .. so jealous lol that's a spectacular ending !!

Hugs ;)

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Motivated, political, principled poetry like this doesn't come along often enough. Intelligent, sinuous composition - would make a great performance piece. Well done. You guys have to choose between two equally repugnant oppressors - down here, we have the banal convergence of two increasingly right of centre parties into one grey political mediocrity, beholden to political lobbyist from the energy, chemical and armament multinationals.
And - the message in your Acrostic - right on the money, with relatively small countries like ours (in terms of population) - willing accomplices.

Great read,
Thanks.
Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

Great write, loved the political spin. It summed this election up nicely.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

I appreciate the comments and insights.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

author comment

Thank you for sharing. I especially loved the metaphoric reference to the raven and the sleet. Very effective indeed.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Once twice three times a read and its gut wrenching wonderful. I looked for the 4 must used words. I only see three; rumbling, Raven and sleet. I read a forth time for extra notice, but just couldn't find berries anywhere.
Have I overlooked it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Thanks for the review. Berries is such a jarring word that I chose to reference it rather than state it. Specifically, I referenced the Belladona berries. It is less obvious than "rumbling" referencing "thunder," but within the parameters of the contest rules.

I encourage other contestants to be creative with their references.

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Jonathan Moore

author comment

Thanks for rules clarification. I figured belladonna referenced berries and rumbling referenced thunder, but wasn't certain simply referenced of the the words was within the contest rules parameter.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Thanks for rules clarification. I figured belladonna referenced berries and rumbling referenced thunder, but wasn't certain simply referenced of the the words was within the contest rules parameter.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

in the contest, but damn sure enjoyed this one! My guess as to how we have finally arrived on the shore of such chaos and destruction? We have let ourselves become complacent in the idea that our basic rights were secured back in the days of the colonial times after having won our independence. That we no longer need to stand up for ourselves. It's been done already! Our government is what we fought for and it would never do anything to take those rights away from us! Well... First of all, being a Senator or Congressman, was never meant to be a life-time occupation! Secondly, they were never meant to vote themselves raises and perks in closed sessions and if that had occurred in the early days, when the reasons for our war of independence were still fresh in our minds, we would ejected them from office and had a new election! [Never mind how far into term!]
Maybe everyone should have to serve some kind of duty in or supporting our government, no matter what their disability. Not the other way around! I still remember JFK and the words, "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" Sorry to rant, but you started it. LOL Anyways, Great poem and I will re-read and look for actual critique of this piece. Thanks, ~ Gee.

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Can anybody see my Contest submission. It lonely lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

A powerful write.- great word usage
just one question - I can't,make out what the second stanza's beginning letters spell .... no doubt just my ignorance - but can you enlighten me?

Very scary is the American political scene at the moment....
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Well, I misspelled, "Fascism," so that happened. That's been fixed.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

author comment

I unpublished my poem In this contest.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

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