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Reflections on an Uncaring World

Our lives are assailed with tragedy
as every day proffers strife and trial
to an already encumbered soul
and what empathy we can maintain
is threatened by such grievous sadness
and assailed by a world of darkness
as to make our uncertain hearts quail
at any presumption of sleeping.

Too many people get entangled
in the burnished light of misery
as their attention is riveted,
unwavering and unflinchingly,
within the minutia of despair.
Their eyes overflow with futile tears,
their hearts are burdaned with obscure hate,
burning prized anguish into their lives.

But I have chosen a different path.
It's not that I remain unaware
of the liturgies of agony
that detail the moments of the day,
but I spurn to make it the polestar
around which my existence revolves
thus I am thankful that I can see
The joy between the heartbeats of life.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I selected an uneven meter, nine syllables or four and a half feet, purposely. Since I am trying to evoke a feeling of discomfort, one of the literary devices is to make the meter unexpected and since most meter is full footed, an hanging meter, I hope, adds to the atmosphere. Lastly, this work reflects my personal philosophy. I am completely aware of the state of the world, but I am also aware of the moments of beauty that you can choose, or not, to pluck from a dismal existence.
Editing stage: 


and I also think it might be even (is "heavier" the word?) if you took out the 2 "ands" near the bottom of the second stanza....possibly all 3 "ands" in that stanza. Maybe try it and see what you think.

I really relate to this as I feel basically the same way----there is a ton of misery and darkness in the have to find a way to fight it, look away, something....or it will certainly "take you down!" (And it *will* happen....whether you are aware of it or not...)

Best always,

Thanks for the thoughts. I have updated the piece with your comments in mind.


Jonathan Moore

author comment

Now I understand why u wrote this it think it's because life is too short and at any minute your heart could stop and that would be the end but that is not the point of life the point of life is the experience the thrill of what's is going to happen now we're always wondering what's is going to happen in the next few seconds but it's what's you don't expect matters and I know I'm to young to understand but I do.

There is tragedy in every life. Some people concentrate on it, some do not.

No one is too young to understand this.


Jonathan Moore

author comment

No surprise there lol
i agree with your philosophy - i especially like the final four verses...

Nothing to offer that would make any improvement...
Good luck in the contest

Love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thank you, Judy. I appreciate your perspective.


Jonathan Moore

author comment
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