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Misunderstanding One’s Endless Wisdom

Insidiously, as joy tinged with salt,
emphasizing my primacy like a
xenotrop, we met one day, Remember?

I was filled with awe that even you could
see the majesty and authority
that permeates me from whiskers to tail.

We took those first few hours to establish
our mutual understanding that all
right thinking creatures would acknowledge the
supremacy of my thoughts and actions.

How your smile lit up your abode that day;
it was inspiring how quickly you
proved you wanted to be worthy of me.

Metaphysically, it was comforting.
even while the world abused your psyche,
maligning your goals, dreams, and the absent
enjoyments of an unexamined life,
our shared perspective that, truly, you
will cater to my every whim, was right.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
A friend had mentioned cats would write Acrostic in Iambic Pentameter. Well, I am not a cat, and, no doubt, folks can find flaws in my meter, but, hey, this was fun to do.
Editing stage: 

Comments

It IS a fun write and the whiskers to tail thing the only hint the protagonist was not Obama lol. Now a few suggestions. I'd move "Xenotrop to the end of preceding line, Just seems to read better there. Now there's the starting each line with a capitol. For me it jars on train of thought as badly as a misplaced period. Well that's about it. Enjoyed the read......stan

Yep, missed that.

As for Xenotrop, I wouldn't use it at all had I not needed a word beginning with X. Why I just didn't choose another word has its foundation in my laziness and stubbornness.

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Jonathan Moore

author comment

an apt metaphor for the strange symbiosis we have with cats. Though if you don't like it they are a rather xenophobic species, they mostly merely tolerate us.
Loved the read.
I won't pick on the meter, you know I've always felt it is not your strong point anyway.
What I did was subject it to the harshest test for any acrostic. Copied it into Word, removed all formatting and read it as prose. And guess what? It works brilliantly.
Hear for yourself-
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/misunderstanding-ones-endless-wisdom

May I post it to our Neopoet Facebook page?
My only slight crit is that I find it hard imagine that anything any human did could fill a feline with awe.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Firstly, thank you for the comments and you are correct, classic meter is not my strong point.

Secondly, yes, with my pleasure, post it to the Neopoet FB page.

Lastly, it is true, cats tolerate us because, while we are poor hunters, we are adequate servants.

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Jonathan Moore

author comment

a freestyle poet since birth
decades ago

it's been my pleasure
to compose free style
at leisure

if you permit
I will do this one for you

just as an experimentation
mind Sir,
will you

Cats always get the last word. If you wanted to be a little less strict with insidiously, then:

Insidiously, as joy tinged with salt,

Insidiously, as joy is tinged with salt,

That's it. Otherwise brilliant. And cats, very true don't need to worry about Socrates when they are "playing the cello" as Bill Bailey terms it.

Thanks.

Chris.

Chris Hall - Tasmania

Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of Prince's stores and bumped them up on the brewery float. On the brewery float bumped dullthudding barrels rolled by grossbooted draymen out of Prince's stores.

I swear it seems you've taken my
cat and put her to page.

enjoyed this very much.

Your comments are greatly appreciated.

This piece falls into the category of a writing exercise. Truth be told, I try to do most of my writing in that vein so as to be more open to suggestions and critique.

---------------------------------------------------------

Jonathan Moore

author comment
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