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Near Sunset, in the Spring

Submitted by Pugilist on Sun, 2016-01-31 19:26

By a lake,
one day in April,
I sat toasting marshmallows
as field mice turned
discarded fedoras
into a park
of imagined possibilities
existing,
entirely,
without my daydreams.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
This is an example for the February 2016 Contest. It is presented for illustration purposes and will not be included in the contest pool of entries.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
February 2016 - Free Verse

Comments

Rula

Mon, 2016-02-01 15:12

Rula's picture
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piece indeed Johnathan.
Thank you for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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